Asks Customer Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Asks Customer

View 11 - 20 results for asks customer comic strips. Discover the best "Asks Customer" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 02, 2002's comic on:


Tags #budget cuts, #customer service, #pranks calls to elderly, #neighbor, #treasure buried, #under lawn

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert reports to The Boss, "Our budget cuts are affecting customer service." The Boss asks, "How much?" Dilbert continues, "Our customer service center spends all day making prank calls to the elderly." A customer service representative says into the phone, "According to our records, your neighbor has treasure buried under his lawn."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 07, 2002's comic on:


Tags #customer satisfaction, #shows improvement, #focus group, #attacked researchers, #two pencils, #premeditated

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Dilbert and Alice, "Our survey of customer satisfaction shows improvement." The Boss continues, "The focus group spontaneously attacked our researchers using number two pencils as shivs." Dilbert asks, "That's an improvement?" The Boss responds, "Last year the attack was premeditated."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 2003's comic on:


Tags #customer references, #parking lot, #ring

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is meeting with a salesman. Dilbert asks, "Do you have any customer references I could call?" The salesman hands him a piece of paper and says, "Right here." Dilbert calls the number, "Beep, beep, boop, beep." The salesman's cell phone rings. The salesman's cell phone continues to ring. Dilbert says, "No answer." The salesman replies, "Try again when I'm in the parking lot."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 16, 2003's comic on:


Tags #international sales call, #dress, #one level above customer, #cherub, #lighting bolt, #vatican, #overdress

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss approaches and says, "I need you to go on an international sales call." Dilbert asks, "How should I dress?" The Boss responds, "Salespeople should dress one level above the customer." Dilbert is dressed like God. He has a lightning bolt in one hand and a cherub staff in the other. He asks Dogbert, "What's better - the cherub or the lightning bolt?" Dogbert responds, "Take both. You can't overdress at the vatican."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 09, 2000's comic on:


Tags #fly to austin, #customer, #call big cutsomers, #go inperson, #telephone, #show you care, #concept of phone

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at the Boss' desk in his office and the Boss says to him, "Fly to Austin and answer some questions for a big customer." Dilbert asks, "Doesn't this customer have a telephone?" The Boss replies in shock as he thrusts his arms out to the side. "You don't call big customers!" Obviously confused, Dilbert aks "Um...why not?" In an exasperated voice, The Boss replies "You have to go in person to show that you care." Still not catching on, Dilbert replies "Actually, that would show that I didn't understand the concept of the telephone.? Now completely disgusted, The Boss replies "Just go." Dilbert is now sitting at a table with Ted who holds a phone in his hand and asks, "Do they have these where you come from?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 27, 2003's comic on:


Tags #customer diservice program, #tech supprt, #stretched telephone, #cleansed online support, #useful articles, #support groups, #train customers

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss points to a slide of a man making a funny face and says, "We've expanded our customer disservice program." The Boss points to the next slide of a technician saying, "Uh.. reboot." The Boss continues, "...Doubled our unhelpful technical support advice." The next slide is of a customer leaning back with one hand on the phone and the other holding his stomach, saying, "So... hungry." The Boss continues, "... Stretched our telephone hold times to lethal durations..." Wally, Dilbert, and Alice listen as The Boss' voice continues, "... And cleansed our online support database of all useful articles." The Boss says, "Our goal is to force customers to form support groups." The Boss continues, "Over time, with luck, we'll train customers to do our manufacturing and shipping, too." Wally raises his hand and asks, "May I train a customer to do my job?" The Boss replies, "Sure." A little boy sits in front of a computer with a cup of coffee in his hand. He asks Wally, "So.. what do I do?" Wally responds, "You're doing it."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 29, 2000's comic on:


Tags #flirting, #cashier, #phoney, #customer service smile, #required, #looks like flirting, #Wally

View Transcript

Transcript

A smiling female employee, handing Dilbert change, says, "Thank you. Have a nice day." Dilbert thinks, "She's flirting with me." Dilbert says to the woman, "Um... Would you like to go out on Saturday?" The woman, still smiling, says, "I wasn't flirting. This is my phony customer service smile." The woman says to Dilbert, "Employees are required to smile." Dilbert asks the woman, "Okay. But now you're flirting, aren't you?" The woman answers, "No, still phony." Walking away, Dilbert thinks, "Wally has to see this." Wally and Dilbert stand looking at the smiling woman. Wally says, "Hey, it looks like she's flirting with me!" Dilbert says, "Is this great or what?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 16, 2011's comic on:


Tags #customer survey data, #marketing, #design, #engineering secret, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The customer survey data is for marketing eyes only. design the next release and we'll tell you if its what everyone wanted. How long will it take? Dilbert: Thats an engineering secret.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 25, 2011's comic on:


Tags #retail business, #service business, #buy company's prodcut, #pulling teeth, #commissions to salary, #free from tyranny, #customer service, #less than ideal, #no paperwork

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I want to buy your company's product but it's like pulling teeth with you. Man: Ha ha! I switched from commissions to a guaranteed salary. I'm free from the tyranny of customer service! Dilbert: This is less than ideal. Man: No paperwork for me! Woot! Woot!

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 05, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #mineral, #water, #spa, #atlantis, #donut, #shop, #customer, #cash

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits behind a cash register and says to a customer, "Welcome to Dogbert's New Age Mineral Water Spa . . . Hand over the cash." Dogbert says, "Hold it . . . The vibes from my crystal tell me we knew each other in a previous life . . . In ATLANTIS!" A man says, "That's what you told the last guy, too." Dogbert replies, "Atlantis was a small town. I ran the only donut shop."