Assistant For Five Years Comic Strips - Page 2
443 Results for Assistant For Five Years
View 11 - 20 results for assistant for five years comic strips. Discover the best "Assistant For Five Years" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share April 02, 2002's comic on:
The Boss says to Wally, "Wally, your status report is just a bunch of buzzwords strung together." Wally replies, "I've been giving you that same status report every week for eleven years." Wally continues, "Five years ago you adopted it as our mission statement."
Share November 27, 2005's comic on:
Our new business strategy is... "Hold on." "I made a list of all of our strategies for the past five years." "There have been seventeen of them." "What does that tell us?" "That I'm not afraid of change." "And that I've been working hard and I deserve a huge bonus." "And that I'm kind and generous and good looking." "You have to give him credit. The man knows how to answer a rhetorical question."
Share August 25, 2014's comic on:
Boss: This is Barry. He has been working on our exoskeleton project for five years. Dilbert: Evidently Barry died years ago, and his exoskeleton keeps taking his bones to meetings. Boss: In my defense, that is only obvious after you say it.
Share July 22, 1992's comic on:
A newsreporter wearing a trenchcoat says into a microphone, "This man used his supercomputer to predict the future of the world." The reporter holds the microphone out and Dilbert says, "Within five years, evil squirrels will conquer the world and make us all slaves in their nut mines." The reporter says, "The squirrels should love this guy." Dilbert adds, "It's based on actual math."
Share August 25, 1992's comic on:
The Boss, Alice, Dilbert, Sally and Albert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Let's begin by going around the table and introducing ourselves." Dilbert says, "I'm Dilbert. I've worked for you for five years." Albert says, "Albert, six years." Alice says, "Alice, I've worked for you for ten years." Sally says, "Sally, eight years." The Boss thinks, "I KNEW these people looked familiar."
Share September 02, 1995's comic on:
Dilbert approaches a door that is labeled, "Records Retention." In the Records Retention Office, Dilbert hands a pile of documents to the librarian and says, "These valuable documents should be stored for five years." As he throws the documents in the trash bin, the librarian thinks, "This job got so much easier when I realized that nobody ever asks for anything back."
Share May 01, 1997's comic on:
Wally reads a contract and asks, "You want me to sign an agreement that I won't work for a competitor for five years if I leave here?" The Boss hands him a pen. Wally says, "No problem. Here you go." The Boss thinks, "This is too easy." Wally sits at his desk and thinks, "I haven't done any work HERE for five years, so how hard could it be?" A computer prompt asks, "New game?"
Share September 16, 1998's comic on:
The Boss holds us a plaque and says, "The safety award goes to Ted for his five years of injury-free work." Ted takes the plaque and says, "Thank you for this award. Without awards, there would be no incentive to avoid injuries." Ted turns and smiles nervously at the Boss as the Boss looks angrily at him.
Share August 25, 2010's comic on:
Carol says, "For the past five years I've managed your calendar based solely on what would create the least work for me." Carol says, "It all started when you told me to use my judgment to set priorities." Carol says, "In retrospect, you should have hired someone with low self-esteem."
Share February 22, 2004's comic on:
Asok: "I heard that you got approval to hire a new Senior Engineer." "As an intern, I have performed all the functions of a Senior Engineer for the past five years. I am now ready for promotion." The Boss: "I plan to hire someone from outside the company." "Must control tiny fists of intern fury." The Boss: "I have the approval to fill the Senior Engineer position but there's a ban on hiring new interns." "So, if I promote you, my empire... oops... I mean my department won't grow." Ask: "Gaaaa! My despair has turned into a searing psychological pain! Ow ow ow!" "That reminds me, I need you to train the new guy."