Average People Say Comic Strips - Page 2

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View 11 - 20 results for average people say comic strips. Discover the best "Average People Say" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #appear smarter, #less is more, #sound more wise, #agreements

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The new employee says to Dilbert, "I've learned to appear smarter than I am." The new employee continues, "I agree with whatever people say then I reword it to sound more wise." Dilbert responds, "Please leave my cubicle." The new employee replies, "Because sometimes less is more!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #liosuction, #disappeared, #head one, #eating donuts, #being fed donuts

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Dilbert: "How did the liposuction go?" The boss: "Good." "People say I look younger. And thanks to my self-discipline, I'll keep off the weight." "One more."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #improvement process, #smartsize, #one resource, #figure of speech

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The boss: "Ted, I don't know how to say this." "We need to lean up the process improvement process so I have to smartsize one resource." Ted: "Wow. Usually it's just a figure of speech when people say, "I don't know how to say this.""

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sourpuss, #wast of time, #drum, #half full

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Sourpuss "Whatever you're doing there looks like a complete waste of time." "If you beat your head against the wall, that doesn't make it a drum." "People say the glass is half full. But they don't say of what."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #logo for project, #badgered them, #finish it quickly, #competence by logo, #pile of poop

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Dilbert says, "Our graphics department made this logo for my project." Dilbert says, "In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have badgered them to finish quickly." Dilbert says, "Please don't judge my competence by my logo." Two people say, "Too late."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #slug, #success, #energy, #fast, #fat, #stick paper, #slimy, #face, #health

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Dilbert says, "My success depends on your doing your role in a timely and energetic manner." Dilbert says, "People say you're a big, fat slug, but I have confidence in you. I'll stick this to your slimy face and hope for the best." Dilbert says, "I like to think I'm a pretty good judge of character."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new boyfriend, #coworker, #angry, #jack, #clench fist, #engineer, #social, #engineering

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Alice says, "Dilbert, meet my new boyfriend, angry Jack." Alice says, "People say my high level of engineering skill comes at the cost of good social judgment." Dilbert says, "Alice, his name is Angry Jack." Alice says, "I think he wants to hold my hand now."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #presentation, #chart, #appeased, #astonished, #stupidity

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Dilbert says, "I didn't have anything useful to say so I made this pie chart." the boss says, "Oooh!" Woman says, "Oooh!" CEO says, "It must be true because it's pie." Dilbert thinks, "That worked too well." people say, "I pledge my life and fortune to the pie!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #quarreling, #major fix, #html, #website, #award, #improves morale, #glaoting, #winner, #technology

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Boss: This award goes to Dilbert for coming up with a major fix to our HTML. Dilbert: I didn't do anything like that. You must be thinking of someone else. Do you even know what HTML is? Boss: It's like... a website? Dilbert: So... you're giving an award for something you don't understand... to someone who wasn't involved? Boss: What I meant to say is that I give this award to... Alice... for... what she did. Alice: Yes! Envy me, you stinkin' losers! Boss: I don't know why people say this improves morale. Asok: I fixed the HTML!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #avarice, #managers & supervisors, #wages, #open minded, #worst idea, #hostory, #not give raise, #business, #money

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Dilbert says, "I need you to be open-minded about this idea." The Boss says, "Oh, really?" The Boss says, "That's the sort of thing people say before they describe the worst idea in the history of the world." Dilbert says, "My idea is to not give me a raise." The Boss says, "I'm hating you a little extra."