Bad Things Comic Strips - Page 2
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1000 Results for Bad Things
View 11 - 20 results for bad things comic strips. Discover the best "Bad Things" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday August 26,
2018
Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #draft, #same day, #sloth, #tardiness
Transcript
The Boss: I told you a week ago that I needed your first draft by today. This is exactly why I say bad things about you behind your back! I need employees I can rely on! Your tardiness and sloth cannot be rewarded. Dilbert: I gave you the first draft the same day you asked. In fact, I think you're holding it in your hand right now. The Boss: I'll be back when I figure out how this is still your fault.
Tuesday August 20,
2019
Wally Monetizes His Pet Status
Tags #boss, #criticism, #employees, #managers & supervisors, #money, #office workers, #bribe
Transcript
Carol: I hear you're our boss's new pet employee. Please don't tell him all of the bad things I have said about him behind his back. I'll give you a hundred dollars if you keep quiet. Wally: I knew I could monetize this.
Saturday August 15,
2020
Ted Needed To Know
Tags #office workers, #technology, #business, #email, #forward, #malice, #slander, #private, #know, #face maks
Transcript
alice: i forwarded your email to ted. Dilbert shaken: WHAT!!! i said bad things about ted! that was a private email to you! alice: he needed to know. dilbert yelling: he did not need to know!
Wednesday February 10,
2021
Virus From Where
Tags #business, #health & safety, #office workers, #virus, #beard, #fuzzy, #hat, #country, #release, #luxembourg, #elbonian
Transcript
dilbert: there's a new virus that kills everyone who doesn't have a beard and a tall, fuzzy hat. wally: what country would release a virus like that? elbonian man: i'm hearing bad things about luxembourg.
Monday May 06,
2002
Tags #minutes, #meeting, #read minutes, #irrelevant things said, #men are idiots, #bad descions, #implied, #business
Transcript
In a meeting, The Boss says to Alice, "Alice, would you read the minutes from our last meeting?" Alice reads, "People said irrelevant things. Bad decisions were made. Men are idiots." The Boss responds, "I don't remember that last part." Alice says, "It was implied." Wally is asleep.
Sunday November 02,
2008
Tags #fish, #microwave, #stink, #offcie, #impossible, #microwave things that smell bad, #job performance, #slippery slope, #socioathy, #liberating feeling, #felt bad, #extra fish, #animals
Transcript
Carol says, "Where are you going with that fish?" Wally says, "I'm going to microwave it." Carol says, "That will stink up the office and make it impossible for anyone else to enjoy life." Carol says, "Isn't there something else you could eat?" Wally says, "I'm not going to eat it. I just like to microwave things that smell bad." Wally says, "After I stopped caring about my job performance, it was a slippery slope to complete sociopathy." Wally says, "It's a liberating feeling. I can't remember the last time I felt bad." Carol says, "Do you have an extra fish?"
Sunday March 06,
2011
Tags #honesty, #managers & supervisors, #proactive, #send email, #bad time management, #creating illuson, #sarcasm, #crazy boss, #business
Transcript
The Boss says, "You need to be more proactive." Dilbert says, "I can only appear to be proactive if you stop telling me to do things I've already planned." The Boss says, "How am I supposed to know what you plan to do every minute?" Dilbert says, "I could send you an e-mail every time I have a thought." The Boss says, "I don't have time for that!" Dilbert says, "Apparently your bad time management is creating the illusion that I'm not proactive." Dilbert says, "I'll take the liberty of signing you up for a time management class." The Boss says, "Don't do that!" Dilbert says, "So...I should not be proactive?" The Boss says, "Just do what I want before I know I want it." Dilbert says, "I hope the next thing you want is sarcasm."
Friday November 04,
2011
Tags #comparing a task, #criticism, #employees, #executives, #quality is bad, #your imagination, #time, #quality, #boss, #business
Transcript
Boss: Why did this take so long? Dilbert: You're comparing a task - the likes of which has never been done - to your imagination of how long such things should take. Boss: Well then, the quality is bad. Dilbert: Compared to... ?
Saturday May 03,
1997
Tags #designing a brochure, #emphasize things, #product unique, #higher prices, #stale technology, #fewer feature
Transcript
The caption says, "Designing a brochure." Dilbert sits at a conference table with a man from marketing. Dilbert says, "We'll want to emphasize the things that make our product unique." The man says, "Good good." Dilbert says, "Let's see . . . We have higher prices . . . Stale technology . . . Fewer features . . . And it's hard to use." Dilbert asks, "Can you work with that?" The man replies, "Suddenly I don't feel so bad that we won't be using 100 percent recycled paper."
Saturday January 31,
1998
Tags #self employed, #invent valuable things, #exploit them, #resource, #bad input, #Dogbert
Transcript
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the kitchen table and enjoy a cup of coffee together. Dilbert says, "I'm thinking of quitting and working for myself." Dogbert says, "Come work for me." Dilbert says, "Doing what?" Dogbert says, "You'll invent things and I'll exploit you... I mean them." Dilbert says, "I'm not sure you'd be the best boss, Dogbert." Dogbert says, "Don't give me that input you 'resource.'"