Bad Job Market Comic Strips - Page 2

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1000 Results for Bad Job Market

View 11 - 20 results for bad job market comic strips. Discover the best "Bad Job Market" comics from Dilbert.com.

Hiring Paul The Criminal

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Hiring Paul The Criminal - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 20, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #job, #market, #competitive, #ex-cons, #work, #criminals, #caught, #paul, #data center, #copper, #wire

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The Boss: The job market is so competitive that we can't even find ex-cons who want to work here. So we're hiring active criminals who haven't yet been caught. The Boss: Say hello to Paul. Paul: I hear our data center has a a lot of copper wire.

Finding Qualified Engineers

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Finding Qualified Engineers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 16, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #interview, #questions, #job market, #engineers, #baker, #mortuary, #assistant

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interview boss: it's hard to find qualified engineers in this job market, so i'm casting a wider net. it says here you have experience as a mortuary assistant and baker. that's not exactly like being an engineer, but i want to stay open-minded. tell me about a time you had to deal with failure and what you did about it. interviewee: well, one time i totally botched an embalming. so i used a chainsaw to reduce the corpse to flushable parts. i told the family he came back to life and ran away. boss: okay. and why did you become a baker? interviewee: so i cold eat my mistakes.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 02, 2008's comic on:


Tags #fish, #microwave, #stink, #offcie, #impossible, #microwave things that smell bad, #job performance, #slippery slope, #socioathy, #liberating feeling, #felt bad, #extra fish, #animals

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Carol says, "Where are you going with that fish?" Wally says, "I'm going to microwave it." Carol says, "That will stink up the office and make it impossible for anyone else to enjoy life." Carol says, "Isn't there something else you could eat?" Wally says, "I'm not going to eat it. I just like to microwave things that smell bad." Wally says, "After I stopped caring about my job performance, it was a slippery slope to complete sociopathy." Wally says, "It's a liberating feeling. I can't remember the last time I felt bad." Carol says, "Do you have an extra fish?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 29, 2009's comic on:


Tags #project manager, #gene pool, #kitchen, #losing, #foreboding, #anguish, #monitoring

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The Boss says, "Dilbert, this is Ellen, your new project manager." The Boss says, "If you do a bad job, Ellen will be on you like a ton of bricks." Boss says, "And if you do a good job, she will be threatened by your success and make it her mission to destroy you." Dilbert says, "Wait...what?" Dilbert says, "Did you just tell me I'm going to lose no matter what I do?" Ellen says, "If you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen." Ellen says, "And by kitchen I mean the entire job market And the gene pool." "Dilbert says, "I have a bad feeling about this." Ellen says, "Your anguish nourishes me!"

Criminal Does Tech Support

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Criminal Does Tech Support - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 21, 2018's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #market, #competitive, #career, #criminal, #internal, #tech support, #passwords, #software, #justice, #fist

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Dilbert: I know the job market is highly competitive, but was it really a good idea to hire a career criminal? The Boss: Relax. He's just doing internal tech support. Paul: I'll need all of your passwords to update your software. Alice: Have you met my fist of justice?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 23, 2018's comic on:


Tags #boss, #employees, #employment, #managers & supervisors, #video games

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Boss: The job market is so tight that I had to hire this NPC. Dilbert: NPC? Boss: Non-player character. It's a video game term for a character that is programmed.As opposed to being an avatar for a human player. An NPC has limited programmed responses. Watch this. How's your day going? NPC: Not bad for a Monday. Boss: Can you help me on my project? NPC: I am too busy: Boss: What do you think of management? NPC: They are all dumb. Wally: I just bonded with that thing. Boss: See how fast you get used to it?

Poison Pill

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Poison Pill - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 18, 2020's comic on:


Tags #co-worker, #cross-train, #business, #relationship, #training, #bad, #fire, #poison pill, #planner

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dilbert: i can't shake the feeling that you are intentionally doing a bad job training me how to do your job functions. ted: i'm omitting important steps, so you'll fail hard should i get fired and you are asked to fill in. it's called a "poison pill." dilbert: you're a good planner.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 07, 1998's comic on:


Tags #rat, #answers phone, #consulting compnay, #good pay, #investment banking, #phone call

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Ratbert walks by the phone as it rings. Ratbert answers the phone. Ratbert says, "Hello, I'm a rat." The voice on the other end of the phone says, "This is a consulting company. We'll pay you $200,000 per year to work for us." Ratbert says, "I'm more interested in investment banking." The voice says, "#*@ Job market."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 28, 2007's comic on:


Tags #wealthy investor, #list of cutomers, #products to injure, #lawyer, #contract, #list, #legal

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The Boss: We financed our expansion by selling the goodwill on our balance sheet to a wealthy investor. Dogbert: "I made a list of the customers that I want your products to injure." "Your lawyer did a bad job on the contract." The Boss: "His name is on your list."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 27, 2014's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #deception, #new business strategy, #laptop, #coffee shop, #public access, #wifi, #hackers, #strategy document, #sell secrets, #competitors, #business strategy, #break in

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Dilbert: Wally, I want you to create a new business strategy for the company. Then use your laptop in a coffee shop that has public access to wi-fi. Hackers will get into your computer in minutes and steal your strategy document. With any luck, the hackers will sell those secrets to our competitors. Obviously, we would never use any strategy you created, so our competitors will be misled. Wally: So... you want me to do a bad job on an assignment and then go drink coffee? Boss: Can you handle that? Wally: I like my odds. Dilbert: Why do you want a copy of our business strategy? Wally: It'll save a step.