Boss Delegating Job Comic Strips - Page 2
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1000 Results for Boss Delegating Job
View 11 - 20 results for boss delegating job comic strips. Discover the best "Boss Delegating Job" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday November 22,
2018
Teach Employees To Code
Tags #boss, #computers, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #teaching, #smart
Transcript
Boss: The job market is so tight we can't find any programmers. So I want you to teach some of our employees how to code. Dilbert: You mean the smart ones, I hope. Boss: No, we need the smart ones in their current jobs.
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Sunday December 23,
2018
Tags #boss, #employees, #employment, #managers & supervisors, #video games
Transcript
Boss: The job market is so tight that I had to hire this NPC. Dilbert: NPC? Boss: Non-player character. It's a video game term for a character that is programmed.As opposed to being an avatar for a human player. An NPC has limited programmed responses. Watch this. How's your day going? NPC: Not bad for a Monday. Boss: Can you help me on my project? NPC: I am too busy: Boss: What do you think of management? NPC: They are all dumb. Wally: I just bonded with that thing. Boss: See how fast you get used to it?
Tuesday July 09,
2019
Below Average
Tuesday February 05,
2008
Tags #identify systems, #inefficient, #new standards, #passive aggressive, #freelancer
Transcript
Alice: That thing is called a "boss." His job is to identify systems that are inefficient and make them our new standards. The Boss: I do way more than that. Alice: Don't look directly at it."
Sunday November 30,
2003
Tags #manager of executive compensation, #plan to steal, #meeting, #back slapping, #pormises, #raises, #ponys, #vacations, #huge raise, #business
Transcript
Boss: "I'd like you to meet Bradley, our new manager of executive compensation." Boss: "Bradley's job is to recommend to our board how much to pay company executives such as me." "Bradley is totally objective." Bradley: "Totally." "That was a world-class observation, so I'll recommend that the company buy you a pony." "...A STRONG pony to carry the huge bags of cash I recommend for you." Boss: "Good work, Bradley. I'll recommend to the board that you get a huge raise!" Dilbert: "Gaaa!! Stop pretending to have reasons!! Just steal the stupid money!!!" Boss: "See what I have to deal with every day?" Bradley: "Would an extra month of vacation reduce the sting?"
Friday April 11,
2014
Tags #executives, #acting ceo, #back slapping, #firing people, #slaps off roof, #abuse of power, #sacrifice
Transcript
Acting CEO Boss: No one told me what I'm supposed to do in this job. Catbert: 80% of the job is back-slapping and firing people. Boss: Good job, Ted. But not good enough.
Wednesday July 22,
2015
Removing Obstacles
Tags #hinder, #hinderance, #obstacle, #obstacles, #management, #managers, #insult, #zinger, #zing
Transcript
Boss: My job is removing obstacles. Asok: When do you leave? Dilbert: I think he was going in a different direction.
Sunday October 16,
2016
Tags #engagement, #review, #shortcut, #honesty, #human resources, #hr, #business
Transcript
Boss: How's your employee engagement coming along? Dilbert: I'll make you a deal... I'll pretend I'm happy to be here if you pretend you believe it. Boss: I need more than that. I also want you to pretend you're loyal to the company. Dilbert: I can do that, if you pretend you're interested in my career development. Boss: Can we do all of that without talking? Dilbert: That's the best way. Boss: My job was a lot harder before I figured out all the shortcuts.
Tuesday December 06,
2016
Ted Gets A New Phone
Tags #punishment, #reward, #gift, #samsung, #explosion, #battery
Transcript
Boss: Congratulations, Ted, your job performance has earned you a new mobile phone. Ted: Isn't this the model that has the exploding battery problem? Boss: Your job performance wasn't good either.
Saturday July 01,
2017
Move To Cubicles Is Complete
Tags #office workers, #office, #cubicle, #depression, #psychology
Transcript
Dilbert: We're done moving the staff from the open office plan back to cubicles. Now they will be less distracted when they focus on the crushing futility of their assignments. Boss: Good job. Dilbert: If you need me, I'll be in my fabric-covered box.