Boss Doubts Dilbert Comic Strips - Page 2
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Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss says, "Dilbert, you're being temporarily transferred to the field sales organization." The Boss continues, "Normally we use these assignments to round somebody out for management. But in this case I'm just yanking your chain!" Dilbert says, "You're over-communicating again, sir." The Boss continues, "Plus, I hate the manager of sales."
The Boss tells Dilbert and a woman, "To protect our environment, I've ordered that ink be removed from all copiers, printers and pens." The Boss continues, "Research shows that many squids can be spared by reducing our ink usage." Dilbert replies, "I don't think we get our ink from squids, sir." The Boss says, "Oh, right . . . Next you'll say we don't get our 'Elmer's' from cows."
The Boss tells Dilbert, "We're having a department bowling night tomorrow." The Boss continues, "It's my way of rewarding all of you for your performance this quarter." Dilbert replies, "We hate doing things together at night." The Boss says, "I wasn't happy with your performance."
The Boss hands Dilbert a form and says, "All employees must fill out this form." Dilbert reads, "Employee election to not rescind the opposite action of declining the reverse inclination to not discontinue employment with the company." Dilbert asks, "You're trying to trick us into quitting, aren't you?" The Boss hands Dilbert a pen and says, "Use ink."
Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss says, "Dilbert, I want you to help Susan put the department budget together." Dilbert's tie stands up and he says, "Budget?!" Dilbert begs, "No, please! I'll be branded for life. The other engineers will spit on me." The Boss thinks, "Darn, his guard is up." Dilbert covers his eyes and says, "I'll have to wear a raincoat to work!"
The Boss, Alice, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Let's start with a brainstorming exercise. Alice, you go first." Alice closes her eyes and says, "I imagine myself not surrounded by dull, unattractive, and largely clueless men." Alice says, "Mmmm . . ." Dilbert says, "I think she just insulted you guys."
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally, Alice and Ted sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "This thankless assignment shall go to whoever asks a question or makes eye contact." The employees all look away as the Boss continues, "It's really, really stupid . . . Does anybody want to question it?" Alice slides a pocket mirror across the table. The Boss says, "I think I see Ted's eyes in the mirror." Dilbert says, "Good one, Alice!" Ted gasps.
The Boss says to Dilbert and Alice, "I found a seminar that will teach fire-walking as a way to build confidence." The Boss continues, "Each of you will have to walk barefoot over burning coals while I watch!" Dilbert asks, "But amazingly, we learn how to do it without injury, right?" The Boss replies, "No, that seminar costs a lot more."
The Boss hands Dilbert a document and says, "I'm asking everybody to quantify their contributions to revenue. Your pay will depend on it." The Boss continues, "I realize this is hard to quantify because you're designing future products but . . . " Dilbert writes a figure on the paper and says, "Here you go." The Boss reads what Dilbert wrote and says, "A billion dollars? It's as if you cynically believe we can't track these numbers." Dilbert replies, "That crossed my mind."
Dilbert stands across from the Boss's desk. The Boss tells Dilbert, "This is a very interesting employee suggestion." Dilbert replies, "Thank you, sir." The Boss says, "If I read this correctly . . ." The Boss continues, "You observed that everybody is smarter than his boss . . ." Dilbert says, "Exactly . . . So we all just switch jobs with our bosses and boost productivity by 200 percent!!" The Boss says, "I've decided to do a limited trial . . ." A janitor enters the room and tells Dilbert, "Something died in the stairwell. Take care of it."