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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 01, 2012's comic on:


Tags #employees, #frustration, #magic, #oogah-boogah, #folder, #assignment, #boss request, #attutude, #business

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Boss: Alice, can you take care of this by close of business today? Alice: Oogah-boogah! Work be done! Let's hope magic is real! Boss: We need to talk about your attitude.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 17, 2012's comic on:


Tags #civil liberties, #internet & world wide web, #internet law, #bad for business, #press relase, #impinge, #freedom of speech, #selfish liars

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Boss: Our company opposes passage of the new internet law because it would be bad for our business. But that sounds selfish, so we'll issue a press release saying the new law would impinge freedom of speech. Alice: So... we're selfish liars? Boss: You can't get more free than that!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 16, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #bank, #business, #deposit, #money, #debt, #ethel

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Dilbert stands at a teller window at the Bank of Ethel. The teller says, "I spent all of your money. Terribly sorry." Dilbert says, "You what?!" Dilbert says angrily, "This is outrageous! How can you spend all of MY money?!!" The woman responds, "Oh, Mr. Moneybags, like it was SO MUCH." Dilbert puts his hands on his hips and says, "Oooh! I am ACTIVELY considering taking my business elsewhere!" The teller asks, "Are you making a deposit or just wasting my time?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #calculations, #collection, #business, #curb, #pick-up, #pizza, #delivery

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Dogbert sits at the desk with a calculator and paper in front of him. Dogbert tells Dilbert, "By my calculations, we can make millions by combining a mortuary business and a garbage collection business." Dogbert continues, "Our customers could simply leave the dearly departed by the curb for pick-up." Dilbert says, "Maybe we could add pizza delivery, too." Dogbert says, "Let's not push a good idea too far."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 12, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #foreign, #business, #country, #lost, #work, #perfect, #example, #Dogbert

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Dogbert sits on a bench with a man who says, ". . . I'll tell you why we're losing to foreign business: the workers in this country have lost their work ethic." Dogbert asks, "Why aren't you working now?" The man replies, "Well, now, this is a PERFECT example of what I'm trying to tell you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 03, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #the boss, #business, #consultant, #credibility, #person, #speak, #slower

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Dogbert sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "Why should I hire you as my business consultant?" Dogbert replies, "I have credibility because I don't work for your company. No smart person would work here full-time." The Boss says, "I work here full-time." Dogbert says, "Sorry. I'll try to speak slower."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 12, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #bob, #nostradogbert, #world, #end, #range, #business, #gross, #prophet, #margin

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Dogbert, who is wearing a turban, says to Bob the Dinosaur, "Nostradogbert predicts that the world will end within a hundred billion years." Bob says, "That's a big range." Dogbert says, "We in the business call it the 'Gross Prophet Margin.'" Bob says, "Oh yeah, I've heard of that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 24, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #the boss, #empowered, #decisions, #cubicle, #revenue, #generating, #tourist, #attraction, #business, #sticky note, #city

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Dilbert asks Wally, "Have you made any decisions since the Boss made us all 'empowered?'" Wally replies, "Just one." Wally says, "I turned my cubicle into a revenue generating tourist attraction." Wally continues, "So far, business has been slow at 'Sticky-Note City.'" A building made of Post-it Notes stands next to Wally's cubicle.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 13, 1992's comic on:


Tags #celebrities, #Dilbert, #prison, #Dogbert, #private, #jail, #business, #dump, #mentioned, #sooner

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Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I've decided to go into the private jail business." Dogbert continues, "I figure it's a good way to meet celebrities." Dilbert asks, "Where's it going to be?" A man carrying a briefcase enters and says, "You call this dump a prison?" Dogbert says to Dilbert, "I probably should have mentioned this sooner."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 22, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #business, #Card, #romance, #interpreter, #dates, #translate, #male, #female, #language, #date, #women and men

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Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "Here's my new business card. I'm a romance interpreter." Dogbert explains, "For a small fee I'll accompany you on dates and translate between male and female language." Dilbert, Dogbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. The woman says, "Blah blah blah." Dogbert translates, "She's telling a pointless story about work. By annoying you in this way she hopes to form a closer bond."