Search Results for "candy"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 07, 2006's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"Human resources tells me that you refused to take the random drug test." "I didn't refuse. I literally can't do it because I have a shy bladder. It's a medical condition that 7% of men have." "I hope you will understand." "It's a side effect of the nose candy, right?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 12, 2006's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"If you hire me as your lobbyist I will convince Switzerland to attack Elbonia." $ "When the war begins, your sales of Kevlar Lederhosen will skyrocket!" "It's not as bad as it sounds. Elbonians believe that if they die fighting a neutral country, their souls get candy."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 06, 2006's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"Hey, is that a new candy dish?" "Yes, it is." "GET YOUR HAND AWAY FROM MY @#$% CANDY!" "I love the new candy dish."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 11, 2006's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"Would you like to buy a candy bar for my daughter's school fundraiser?" "No thanks. I'm not hungry." "That's not really the point." "Why would I buy an overpriced candy bar if I didn't plan on eating it right away?" "You'd do it because your coworker asked you to." "That's a reason?" "Yes, it is." "In that case, I'll take one." Five minutes later "Hey, coworker, would you like to buy a half-eaten candy bar?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 16, 2014's comic on:


Tags #criticism, #frankness, #goals, #honesty, #managers, #root cause, #bad parenting, #pointy headed boos, #underlings, #rapidly evolving nature, #talented employee, #boss life story

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You haven't achieved any of your goals for the year. What is up with that? Dilbert: Do you want an explanation that goes back to the root cause? Boss: Of course. Dilbert: The problem started years ago, when two idiots unwisely created a third smaller idiot. They compounded their mistake with bad parenting. The toddler ate candy and sniffed wet paint until he became a pointy-headed boss. The pointy-headed boss set goals for his underlings that ignored the rapidly evolving nature of the industry. Then he got angry at his most talented employee for giving an accurate answer to a question. Boss: I hate you. Dilbert: Nothing could halt the downward spiral.