Coffee With Boss Comic Strips - Page 2
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wally in meeting with boss and dilbert: i've been highly productive since switching to medical-grade coffee. i finished all of my projects and did an excellent job on every one. boss: wow! dilbert and wally in hall after: so that stuff actually makes you more productive? wally: no, but it does make me lie better.
A coworker asks Dilbert, "Dude, why haven't you answered my e-mail?" Dilbert responds, "Your message was so poorly written that I didn't understand it and I didn't dare to start a dialogue." The coworker crosses his arms and says, "Maybe I should have a talk with your boss." Dilbert responds, "Maybe you should e-mail him."
Carol is sitting on a doctor's examination table. The doctor says, "Switch to decaf for a while. That should help." Back at the office, Alice holds bag of coffee in her hands and thinks, "I'll replace all the office coffee with decaf for my convenience." In the hallway, The Boss, Alice, and Dilbert are all asleep on the floor. Wally is slumped down; he thinks, "Must...find... antidote."
The Boss says, "Asok, you never mentioned any issues this quarter, so I assume you didn't do any work." A man says, "Ooooh, lordy lord! Our vendors are incompetent and our customers are suing us!!!" The Boss says, "Why can't you be more like that guy?" A man says, "Someone please kill me!"
Wally says, "My project is unfunded, just the way I like it. Wally says, "I spend my entire say forwarding funny e-mails and lubricating my bowels with coffee." The boss says, "Allow me to explain something?" Wally says, "Better make it fast!"
the boss says, "I need ideas on how we can cut spending." Wally says, bring back free coffee." the boss says, "That's the opposite of cutting spending." Wally says, "It seems that way if you're short sighted." Wally says, "When I buy my own coffee, I don't drink as much." Wally says, "That make me less alert and about half as productive." Wally says, "If you give me free coffee, you can fire Ted and come out ahead." Wally says, "I rest my case." The boss says, "I'm sorry Ted. Wally makes a compelling argument." zzz
Dilbert: Carol I need ten minutes on the pointy - haired boss schedule. Carol: I don't let him have meetings anymore. Dilbert: what? Carol: Everytime he had a meeting it just created more work for me. Carol: It was always Carol, get me a file and Carol schedule another meeting. Obviously I had to put an end to the madness. Dilbert: I guess ic ould email him. Carol: You could try.
The Boss holds up a football and says, "I call it teamwork football." The Boss continues, "Each of you will carry the ball with you for one day to symbolize your commitment to teamwork." Dilbert, Wally, and Alice listen as The Boss' voice continues, "Who wants to be first?" The Boss turns to Dilbert. Dilbert says, "Not me, I have a meeting with customers today." The Boss turns to Wally. Wally says, "I'm on vacation. I only came in for coffee." The Boss turns to Alice. Alice says, "Not in a trillion years." Dilbert says to The Boss, "Maybe you could keep it in your desk drawer to symbolize our commitment to teamwork." The Boss is sitting at his desk. He looks at the football sticking out of his desk drawer and thinks, "I should have used a golf ball."
Boss: Are you sure the data you gave me is correct? Dilbert: I've been giving you incorrect data for years. This is the first time you've asked. Boss: What? Dilbert: I said the data is totally accurate.
Asok: I demand a ten-million-dollar raise! Boss: Nice try! Every idiot knows that's your opening offer to set an anchor. Asok: I will settle for half of it. Boss: You'll take 30 percent of that, and not a penny more!