Corporate Whistle Blower Comic Strips - Page 2
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Dogbert says to a group of rags, "I'll be representing you corporate employees in a class action suit. Your company has sucked the life force out of you and turned you into little rags." Dogbert continues, "My fee will be on a contingency basis. That means I get the entire settlement plus I'll use you to wax my BMW." One rag replies, "Sounds fair." Another thinks, "Don't make waves." Dogbert thinks, "I've found the perfect clients."
Dilbert: The corporate office sent me to head up the Elbonian satellite launching program. Elbanian: ooh...bad timing. The french delivered their satellite early. we already tried to launch it with the town slingshot. Dilbert: It doesn't get much worse than this. Elbonain: It flattened the french embassy. They declared war an hour ago.
Dilbert: I want you to teach me everything you know about corporate politics so I can get promoted to your level. The Boss: To truly understand office politics you must wear a waste basket on your head for one full day. LATER Dilbert: Does this really work? The Boss: It works for me.
"We've never needed a corporate headhunter before, but now it's the only way to solve our staffing problem." "Are you aware that headhunters find new employees? We don't behead the ones you already have." "I don't suppose you'd be flexible..." "I could find a disgruntled ex-post office employee for you."
DOGBERT THE CONSULTANT Dogbert and the Boss sit at a conference table. Dogbert says, "A good way to judge corporate health is to look at your employee turnover rate." The Boss says, "Our turnover rate is very low. We only hire people who aren't skilled enough to work anyplace else." Dogbert says, "Maybe metrics aren't the way to go here." The Boss says, "No metric has beaten me yet!!"
A man reads Dogbert's resume and asks him, "Your resume doesn't list any experience as a jet pilot, Mister Dogbert." Dogbert says, "How hard could it be?" Dogbert continues, "You could spend a lot of money on some pretty boy pilot with experience, or you can save a few bucks and have ME drive the corporate jet." The man says, "I AM under a lot of budget pressure . . . And I'm not allowed on the jet myself . . ." Dogbert asks, "It has a pilot eject seat, right?"
Dogbert sits in the cockpit of an airplane. He says, "Attention, passenger." Dogbert continues, "I'm Captain Dogbert. This is my first flight. I'll bet you wish you hadn't cut the corporate training budget." The passenger, the CEO of the company, looks shocked. Dogbert continues, "For safety, keep an eye out the window . . . If it looks like we're gonna hit the ground, try jumping up right before impact." The passenger looks scared.
The corporate jet flies through the air. From the cockpit, Dogbert announces, "This is your captain speaking . . ." Dogbert sits at the controls with the microphone in his hand. He continues, "If you'd like to land safely, there's something I've always wanted to see a CEO do." The CEO puts his head out of the airplane window and sticks out his tongue. He thinks, "This is so NOT funny."
The corporate jet flies over the mountains. From the cockpit, Dogbert says, "This is Captain Dogbert with some good news and some bad news." Dogbert continues, "The good news is that we'll be hitting town ten minutes ahead of schedule . . ." Dogbert continues, "The bad news is we'll be hitting town."
Dogbert and the Boss sit at a table looking at a catalog. Dogbert says, "The 'Dogbert Corporate Art Source' will provide low-cost paintings for your walls." Dogbert continues, "Our motto is 'if it's in a frame it will look like art to you.'" The Boss asks, "How much do the paintings cost?" Dogbert replies, "Six dollars a pound."