Crime Comic Strips - Page 2
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76 Results for Crime
View 11 - 20 results for crime comic strips. Discover the best "Crime" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday July 13,
1994
Tags career criminlas, jail, sentences, don't reduce crime, commit crimes, others commit crimes, statistics
Transcript
"I oppose putting career criminals in jail for life. There's no evidence that longer sentences reduce crime." "So, your theory is that when career criminals are in jail, other people commit more crimes to keep the average up..." "Statistics don't lie, Dogbert." "Unless bad statistics went to jail - then the others WOULD like."
Monday June 14,
1999
Tags company resources, resume, headhunter, perfect crime, got mail
Transcript
Alice types at her computer and thinks, "heh-heh.. I'm usig compnay resources to e-mail my resume to a headhunter Alice thinks, "It's the perfect crime." The boss sits at his computer. The boss says, "I've got mail!"
Saturday October 28,
2000
Tags fired me yesterday, leaving previous job, non buisness, use of internet, crime dont pay
Transcript
The Boss, looking at a piece of paper, asks Dilbert, "And what's your reason for leaving your previous job?" Dilbert answers, "You fired me yesterday for non-business use of the internet." The Boss says, "Crime doesn't pay." Dilbert says, "Wait until you hear my minimum acceptable salary."
Saturday December 09,
2000
Tags crime, finding guilty, jury finding, proram, witness protection
Transcript
The jury verdict DILBERT: WE FIND THE DEFENDANT GUILTY.... ...OF THIS CRIME AND MAYBE A FEW OTHERS THAT DIDNT COME UP, LASTLY, DO YOU HAVE ANY BROCHURES FRO THE WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM?
Monday July 02,
2001
Tags writing code, doing job, excellent benefits, package, eating sandwhich, crime pays, working, other compnay, stolen sandwhich
Transcript
Wally and Dilbert sit in the breakroom eating lunch with a co-worker. The co-worker says, "I spend all day writing code for another company while it looks like I'm doing my job here." The co-worker pauses from eating a sandwich and says, "Crime pays, and it also has an excellent benefits package." Wally looks at his co-worker and says, "Are you eating my sandwich?" The co-worker answers, "I'm saving mine for dinner."
Thursday September 27,
2001
Tags illegal to clone humans, frame clone, for crime, same thing to me, immoral
Transcript
Dilbert says to The Boss, "Yes, the technology to clone you exists, but it's illegal to clone humans." The Boss responds, "If the cops find out, we can frame my clone for the crime." Dilbert replies, "That is so wrong." The Boss responds, "Why? He'd do the same thing to me!"
Wednesday January 14,
2004
Tags airport security, epidural layer, plastic bag, federal crime, airport tsa, hassle, terrorists, airlines, bins, line, xrays
Transcript
Airport Security Please remove your jacket and shoes Please remove your epidermal layer and put it in a plastic bag. It is a federal crime to mention the movies "Ishtar" "Glitter" or "Gigli"
Wednesday February 04,
2004
Tags new chip, slower, claim fastest, benchmark test, used old drivers, wearing a wire, marketing, crime, business
Transcript
Dilbert: "Our new chip is slower than our competition's products." The Boss: "We'll claim we're the fastest. If anyone does benchmark tests, we'll say they used old drivers." Dilbert: "Whenever I talk to you, I feel like I should be wearing a wire." The boss: "Since when is marketing a crime?"
Friday February 06,
2004
Tags compnay, synonymous with crime, incompetence, new logo, computer graohics, crime
Transcript
"Dogbert Consults." Dogbert: "Your company has become synonymous with incompetence and crime." "Stop trying to be all things to all people. Focus on either the incompetence OR the crime." "For your new logo, I used computer graphics to create a composite face that looks totally incompetent." "Wow."
Friday March 11,
2005
Tags company relocating, high crime, tax reasons, ceo says, limo, parking garage, chain bike to whino, advice from ceo
Transcript
The Boss: "Our company will be relocating to a high-crime area for tax reasons." "Our CEO says don't worry about your safety because your limo can pull right into the underground parking garage." "Then he added, "Or chain your bicycle to a wino. Whatever."


