Crossroads In History Comic Strips - Page 2
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Tags #electrical engineering, #engineering proposal, #engineers opinion, #major, #masters degree, #naked statues, #nickle, #scratch and sniff, #technology publications, #thundering moron, #art history
Dilbert and Dogbert stand in front of the Boss's desk. Dilbert says, "Dogbert would like to speak with you about the changes you made to my engineering proposal." Dilbert lifts Dogbert onto the desk. Dogbert says, "While Dilbert was getting his masters degree in electrical engineering . . ." Dogbert continues, "You were majoring in art history so you could look at pictures of naked statues." Dogbert continues, "Dilbert often contributes articles to technology publications." Dogbert continues, "You, on the other hand, rub those same publications with a nickel, looking for hidden 'scratch and sniff' panels." Dogbert says, "In summary . . ." Dogbert shouts, "Never question an engineer's opinion, you thundering moron!" Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a table. Dilbert says, "Nicely done, but I wouldn't have said 'thundering.'" Dogbert reads the proposal and says, "What were you drinking when you wrote this piece of crud?"
Dilbert is in a metting with another man and a woman. The man says, "We didn't include engineers in the product planning sessions because.... um.. because...." The woman says, "Because we were art history majors in college." The man says, "Par-r-r-r-rty!" The woman says, "How soon can you build the cloak of invisibility?" The man says, "Let the man think, Clover."
A female employee asks The Boss, "Our numbers are way down. What should we do?" The Boss replies, "Reorganize the department so there's no valid history for comparison." The Boss continues, "Then we'll fire a few people and give ourselves awards for saving money." The employee scrunches up her paper and mutters, "El Diablo."
The Boss pulls a file out of his drawer and thinks, "What's this? It's our old five- year plan!" He opens the file and thinks, "I wonder how we did compared to the plan." The Boss approaches Dilbert and asks, "Have we relegated Microsoft to the dust heap of history?" Dilbert responds, "Shhh! They might hear!"
Dogbert says, "The only thing that matter are social networks, games and phones." Dogbert says, "You're not working on any of that, so I arranged for the dustbin of history to do curb pickup." Asok says, "Please! I Twitter!" Garbage man says, "Too little, too late."
The Boss: Make these changes and run it by me again. Dilbert: "history suggests I have entered an infinite loop of making changes with no hope of finishing." "My life is a furious ball of nothing." The Boss: "And I'm not wild about the font."
Dilbert is sitting at his desk drawing a map. He says, "I've created a schematic of office politics in my company." Dogbert says, "Nicely done." Dilbert says, "Let's say I want to ruin Ted's career." Dilbert continues, "I could say bad things to Tina about Ted. Tina carpools with Ming and Ming takes yoga classes with Carol." Dilbert continues, "And Carol is a secretary for Ted's boss. So Ted would be history." Dilbert continues, "Of course it wouldn't be ethical to test the system." Dogbert replies, "Unless..." Dogbert points to the map and continues, "..You use the Phil-Alice-Larry circuit to get Ted rehired." Dilbert replies, "Yup, yup." Dilbert concludes talking to Tina with, "...And that's why Ted is worthless." He pauses and then asks, "Hey, where's Phil today?" Tina replies, "He quit." Dilbert asks Dogbert at home, "Why do I listen to you?" Dogbert responds, "Because of a little thing I call charisma."
Boss: I'm reading a great management book about the rules of leadership. Dilbert: Allow me to put that in context. There are probably 10,000 books about leadership, and each one has a different approach. And there are millions of real leaders, of which no two are alike. Moreover, every situation is unique and requires a different type of leader. And yet this one author has found a magic formula to transform you from a gullible baboon into a great leader. And that makes sense because all great leaders throughout history achieved success by reading a random book. Boss: I don't like context. Dilbert: It isn't popular.
Boss: I can't give you a raise because of your history of lying about everything. Dilbert: I don't lie. I have a history of being falsely accused. Boss: I'll add that lie to your list. Dilbert: I don't see a path to victory here.
office worker: hi, i'm ... dilbert holding up stop hand: hold on. my facial recognition app has identified you and is now showing me your social media history. office worker: uh-oh. dilbert: it seems it would be unwise for me to touch your hand.