Customer Data Comic Strips - Page 2

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401 Results for Customer Data

View 11 - 20 results for customer data comic strips. Discover the best "Customer Data" comics from Dilbert.com.

Frequent Victims Club

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Frequent Victims Club - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, join, frequent, victim, club, beverage, minute, dollar, track, purchases, sell, data, colleagues, stores, customer, servey

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man with red apron: would you like to join our frequent victims club? dilbert: no, i just want to buy this beverage. man: you could save a dollar if you join now. it only takes a minute. dilbert: i don't want you tracking my purchases and selling my data. man: i you don't sign up, my colleagues and i will pester you to do it every time you try to buy something. dilbert: i'll take my business elsewhere! man: no. you won't. because other stores are just as bad as we are. dilbert: i am not a victim! man: tell that to the customer survey i'm about to pester you into doing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Catbert, evil director, most evil way, database, customer information, sell mailing list, spam, balckmail, data bse, clumping

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The Boss says to Catbert, "What's the most evil way to use our database of customer information? The Boss says, "Should we sell our mailing lists, spam without mercy, or just blackmail customers?" Catbert says, "Um... Do you have me in that database?" The Boss says, "We know all about your clumping problems."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags automobile driving, company car, crazy, data center, directions, gadgets, gps directions, gps navigation system

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Boss: Take a company car and meet a customer at our data center on Montgomery and Pine. Dilbert: I can't drive to an unfamiliar place with Alice. She'll spend the entire trip arguing with the GPS navigation system. Boss: No one does that. Dilbert: Allow me to demonstrate. My phone says we should take this route. Alice: What?! Is it crazy? We are not taking 880! Change your mind! Change your mind! Change your mind! Dilbert: It gets worse. Alice: If you listen to this liar, I will end you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags credit reporting company, data, death, debilitating, health problems, low cost provider, ruined lives, medical

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Dogbert: Im starting a credit reporting company. I'll be the low cost provider because all of my data will be wrong, Dilbert: what will you do when people call and complain that you ruined their lives? Dogbert: I'll put them on hold until their frustration turn into debilitating health problems. Their last words will be AAAGH!!!! I only wanted to buy a minivan! Death will accomplish what customer service could not. Dilbert: Im just curious: Do you have nay qualms about your business plan? any at all? Dogbert: Im not sure. do qualms make you wag?

Do Whatever The Data Says

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Do Whatever The Data Says - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags study, analysis, decision, conclusions, bias, science

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Boss: I need you to do a financial analysis on upgrading our customer tracking software. Dilbert: What conclusion do you want me to reach? Boss: We'll do whatever the data says. Dilbert: Which is...? Boss: I already bought the upgrade.

Data Encapsulation

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Data Encapsulation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags inheritance polymorphism, managing, bullying, data encapsulation

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Dilbert: Do you know the difference between data encapsulation and inheritance polymorphism? The boss: No. Dilbert: Then how can you manage someone who odes? The boss; Do you know the difference between managing and bullying? Dilbert: No. The Boss: Problem solved.

Bad Data

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Bad Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags data, information, accuracy

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Boss: What does the data tell us to do? Dilbert: We only have bad data on this. Boss: Does the bad data suggest we should do what we wanted to do anyway? Dilbert: Well, yes. Boss: That's called "good data."

Massive Data Breach

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Massive Data Breach  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags data, facebook, privacy, apology, statement, big business, lying, damage control

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Dilbert: We had a massive data breach. Hackers got into the private data of all of our customers. Boss: No problem. We'll issue a press release that says we're sorry and it will never happen again. Dilbert: That's what we said the last three times it happened. Boss: Our strategy is to wear them down.

Adjust The Data

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Adjust The Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, engineering, managers & supervisors, office, research, tests, data

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Dilbert: The test data doesn't support our plan. Boss: We know our plan is brilliant, so just adjust the data to support it. Dilbert: You mean falsify the data. Boss: Let's not get hung up on the definition of things.

Data Can Only Mean One Thing

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Data Can Only Mean One Thing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office workers, sarcasm, data, analyze

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ted: this data can mean only one thing. dilbert: actually, it can mean any one of about seventeen things. ted: then why can i think of only one? dilbert: please don't make me answer that.