Cutting Insulting Comic Strips - Page 2
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The Boss: "Our new strategy is to sell fewer units at higher margins." Dilbert: "Question: How's that different from saying our sales stink, so we're cutting costs?" The Boss: "I call it a strategy so you won't lose hope." Dilbert: "It's working great."
The boss: I have to cut your project's budget by ten percent. Dilbert: "Ten percent??" dilebrt: "That's the sort of round number you would pick if you did no thinking whatsoever." The boss: "Anything can be cut by ten percent without affecting the result." Dilbert: "Cool! I'm cutting back to 36 hours per week!"
The Boss says, I have assigned a secret insulting nickname to each of you." The Boss says, "It's my way of dehumanizing the enemy so it will be easier to downsize you." Ted says, "The enemy?" The Boss says, "That's enough out of you, Osama."
Man: What do you think of my idea? " Dilbert: It won't work. MAN: Why not?" Dilbert; Do you want the long answer that you won't understand because you possess neither the experience nor the education needed? Or the dismissive and insulting answer that has the advantage of being quick? Dilbert: Another advantage of the insulting answer is that you can tell people I rejected your idea because I didn't think of it myself. Man: I guess I'll take the insulting answer. Dilbert: Fine. Your idea is dumber than snake mittens. What do you have against snake mittens?"
Dogbert consults DOgbert: Company rules forbid you from insulting your co-workers. I'll teach you how to insult each other while staying within company guidelines. The boss: That doesn't seem possible. Dogbert: you should look into getting a standing desk.
Coworker: Can you come to my meeting at 8am tomorrow? Dilbert: No. I reserve the first few hours of every morning for useful work. Coworker: That feels like an insult. Dilbert: I call it good time management. There's a lot of overlap.
Dilbert says to a man, "I thought it was bad when they made us work in those little cubicles . . ." Dilbert continues, "Then they put two people in each cubicle . . . But we got used to it." Dilbert, Wally and two other people hang from the wall. Dilbert continues, "I guess we'll get used to Velcro strips, too."
Dilbert asks a man, "What happened to your head, Dave?" Dave replies, "I'm cutting my own hair now." Dave's hair is unevenly cut and shaved in places. Dave continues, "I'm not too far along the old learning curve, but at least I'm saving money." Dilbert asks, "How much did you save?" Dave replies, "Not counting the divorce and therapy?"