Daily Lives Comic Strips - Page 2
73 Results for Daily Lives
View 11 - 20 results for daily lives comic strips. Discover the best "Daily Lives" comics from Dilbert.com.
Dilbert peers over his cubilce at Wally. Dilbert says, "There's a rumor the company is moving to SOuth Dakota for tax reasons." Wally hangs up his coat and says, "Do you seriously think they would disrupt the lives of thousands of employees just to save money on taxes?" Dilbert replies, "I think they'd kill us all in our sleep and sell our organs if the return on investment was good." Wally says, "Stop it. I'll be afraid to sleep in my cubicle now."
Asok looks into Wally's cubicle. Wally says into the phone, "Wally is dead. Sorry." Asok thinks, "My role model is using deception to improve his time management." Wally leans back in his chair and sleeps. Asok looks over the cubicle wall and says, "And now the daily planning session." Alice says to Asok, "Asok, I don't think you've picked an ideal role model." Asok leans back in his chair and says, "Asok is dead."
At the staff meeting, Catbert says to Dilbert and Wally, "your personal lives reflect on this company." Catbert continues, "From now on, a strict dress code will be enforced in your homes." At home Dilbert says to Dogbert, "On the plus side, it's one less decision I have to make every day." He's wearing a coon skin cap, suspenders, a tu-tu and knee-high boots.
"Dogbert's Body Language Update" "Are you hampered by the limits of conventional body language?" "I can help." - How can you politely tell somebody he's babbling? "Babble, Babble." - Remove the offender's watch while he babbles.- "Babble." - Smash the watch with your daily planner. - "Babble." "Whack!" - This won't stop the babble, but it will feel real good for a minute.- "Babble." "Mmm." - Use this position to signal your surrender to the babble.- "Babble." -Next week - the self-Heimlich manuever and the Kervorkian dodge.- "Babble."
Tags #pretending, #personal lives, #interested, #management technique, #job satisfaction, #more money, #boost intangible benefits, #chisel away, #salaries, #families, #wife divorced, #job lowers self esteem, #attract mate, #said hello
"Hi guys, how are your families?" "?" "?" "Why are you pretending to be interested in our personal lives?" "It's a management technique to increase your job satisfaction without giving you more money." "My plan is to boost your intangible benefits while continuing to chisel away at your salaries." "But enough about me...how are those families of yours?" "My wife divorced me because you make me work so many hours." "This job lowers my self-esteem too much to attract a mate." "Tell them I said 'hi'."
Dogbert dressed in a crown and sceptar stands by Dilbert's computer. Dogbert says, "I need a job where my immense ego seems normal." Dogbert says, "I've decided to be a doctor. I will determine who lives and who dies!" Dogbert is in a doctor's office. He still wears the crown and has a stethoscope around his neck. A man in boxer shorts says, "What? I can't die from an ulcer!" Dogbert says, "Maybe not, but I enjoy the challenge."
Caption: "Big stubborn guy" Dan says, "We should remove the contract employees from our e-mail bulletin list." Dilbert says, "Um.. they need that information to do thier jobs, and there's no incremental cost." Dilbert says, "This is when you agree with me and we move on eith our lives." Dan says, "I will fight you to the end of the earth!"
The Boss stands in casual clothes and says, "It's time for my annual inspirational talk." The Boss says, "We must work twice as hard, or the competition will crush us!" Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit in front of the Boss as he continues, "I want you to feel afraid twenty-four hours a day." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Question: wouldn't hat lower the quality of our lives?" Wally says, "Seems like it might." Wally continues, "I'm too afraid to work here now. I wonder if our competitor's are hiring?" Alice raises her hand and asks, "Question: should we continue to be afraid of our own management's incompetence?" The Boss replies, "Let's compromise. I'll agree to cut the meeting short if you'll all agree to feel worse in some way." The Boss leaves the meeting and thinks, "No I remember why I only inspire them once a year."
Dilbert and Wally are at the coffee machine. Dilbert says to Wally, "Our lives are pathetic. We do nothing but eat, work, and sleep." Dilbert continues, "Eat, work, sleep...eat, work, sleep...eat, work, sleep." Wally responds, "Great - I just finished lunch and you're making me hungry!"
A man with a wizard suit, holding an animal-headed staff says to The Boss, "I'd like permission to hold daily prayer services in a conference room." The man continues, "I'll do it before work and of course I'll clean up any blood." The man continues, "So far I'm the only member of my religion but I have ambitious plans for brainwashing."