Dilbert Defending Himself Comic Strips - Page 2

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View 11 - 20 results for dilbert defending himself comic strips. Discover the best "Dilbert Defending Himself" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 02, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #floyed remora, #twenty years, #survives, #attaching, #employees

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The Boss: Dilbert, this is your new co-worker, Floyd Remora. Floyd has worked here for twenty years without developing any skills. He survives by attaching himself to other employees. Dilbert: Go ahead... Ask me how my day went.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 23, 1991's comic on:


Tags #art, #artist, #Dilbert, #portait, #smart, #sexy

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Dilbert walks by a sidewalk artist who is sitting under a sign that says "Portrait $5.00." Dilbert sits down next to the artist and says, "Make me look smart and sexy." The artist has drawn a portrait of himself. Dilbert says, "It doesn't look like me . . ." The artist asks, "Too sexy?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 19, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #newspaper, #critic, #ordinary, #people, #star, #dog, #sniffing, #symbol

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Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I've become a newspaper critic." Dilbert asks, "Of what?" Dogbert replies, "I criticize ordinary people . . . I started with you." Dilbert says, "Hey, here it is . . ." Dilbert asks, "What's this little symbol mean?" Dogbert replies, "That's a dog sniffing himself . . . It's like getting one star."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 28, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #flush, #goldie, #john, #ugly, #stupid, #fish, #life, #rivalry, #suicide note, #schools, #pun

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Dilbert stands in front of an empty fishbowl with his arms on his hips. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "You expect me to believe that Goldie flushed HIMSELF down the john??!" Dogbert replies, "Surely you don't believe that I ended his ugly, stupid fish life in a fit of pet rivalry . . ." Dilbert looks at a small piece of paper and says, "Explain how a fish can write a suicide note." Dogbert says, "I've heard they have schools . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 17, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #boss, #report, #reading, #anything, #sit, #feeling, #bottles, #beer, #wall

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Dilbert sits across from the Boss's desk thinking, "I sit here motionless while the Boss reads my report." Dilbert thinks, "I can't talk while he's reading, and I don't have anything of my own to read . . ." The Boss reads the report and thinks, "I wonder how long I can make him sit there feeling uncomfortable?" Dilbert sings to himself, "A hundred bottles of beer on the wall."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 14, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #electric, #cattle prod, #employee, #productivity, #zap, #rubber end

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Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss approaches him thinking, "Let's see if my idea of using an electric cattle prod will boost employee productivity." The Boss gives himself an electric shock. The Boss's clothes are burned and smoke rises from his body. The Boss thinks, "Mental note: hold rubber end."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 23, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #romance, #interpreter, #logically, #solve, #emotional, #problems, #reasons, #fix, #hear, #wisdom, #compassion, #arouse, #talk, #himself, #dating, #women and men

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Dogbert, Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. Dilbert says, "Blah blah blah." Dogbert translates for the woman, "He's telling you how to logically solve all of the emotional problems you seem to have." Dilbert says, "Blah blah blah." Dogbert translates, "He reasons that if he can fix your problems he won't have to hear about them anymore." Dilbert says, "Blah blah me." Dogbert translates, "He hopes that the wisdom and compassion he just faked was enough to arouse you. Now he will talk about himself."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 11, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #assigned, #prepare, #budget, #system, #crazed, #monk, #sealed, #wine, #cask

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Susan says to Dilbert, "You'll have to learn our budget system." Susan explains, "It was developed 400 years ago by a crazed monk who sealed himself in a wine cask." Susan says, "Unfortunately, we still have him." A voice from inside a wine cask says, "Hey, I've got another idea."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 27, 1994's comic on:


Tags #pulling rank, #vice president, #teaching himself banjo, #wait in hallway, #offcie, #feet on desk, #making wait

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CEO: Im running late. But since Im a Vice president. you'll have to wait in the hallway. You'll be able to judge your relative worth by observing what thing I do while you wait. Dilbert: He's teaching himself banjo.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #god of thunder, #thor, #athpirin, #god of velcro, #god of mayonaise, #greek, #roman, #mythology

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Dogbert sits on the hassock humming to himself. A man wearing a Viking helmet approaches Dogbert and says, "Greetings, Dogbert, I am the God of Thunder." Dogbert looks startled and says, "Yip!" The man repeats, "I am Thor!!" Dogbert says, "Take some athpirin." Thor reads a list and says, "We're looking for some new Norse gods to update our image. Your name came up." Thor continues, "It's the same way I got started. I worked my way up from God of Static Cling." Dogbert reads the list and says, "Hmm . . . 'God of Velcro' looks interesting." Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert stands on the hassock with a towel wrapped around him. Dogbert says, "Don't laugh. I put your name in for God of Mayonnaise."