Director Of Sustainability Comic Strips - Page 2
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Dogbert stands on a stool and tells Dilbert, "The only way to get rid of your cloud of doom is to transfer it to a new host body." The cloud hovers over Dilbert's head. Dogbert says, "I will accomplish this with the help of your pointy-haired boss and a clueless co-worker named Tim." Dogbert straps Tim to a table and says, "We're secure. Begin transfer." The Boss looks at a document and says, "Tim, your new job will be director of special projects." The cloud moves toward Tim.
Catbert, the Evil H.R. Director, sits at his desk. He thinks, "I can't abuse people if they quit the company. I'd better find a way to reduce turnover." Catbert types into his PC, "All job titles will be changed as follows..." Wally stares at his computer screen and says, "My new title is... "Convicted Felon." Dilbert says, "That's look good on the ol' resume."
Dilbert waves his arms angrily and says, 'Our new job titles from human resources are demeaing and insulting!" Dilbert stands in front of the Boss' desk and says, "You've got to use your managerial influence to do something!" The Boss holds a business card and says, "My new card..." Wally stands at his cubicle and asks, "How'd it go?" Dilbert replies, "I don't expect much help from the "Director of Learned Helplessness."
Catbert: Evil H.R. Director Catbert stands atop Wally's computer monitor and waves a new policy sheet in Wally's face. "Here's the new 'clean desk' policy, Wally." Wally reads from the sheet, "Employees must lick their workplaces clean at the end of each business day." Wally stands in the doorway to the Boss's office. He says, "Do they seriously think we're this spineless and stupid?" The Boss responds, "Ahm nah chanthing it."
Catbert: Evil H.R. Director: Dilbert sits in Catbert's office and waves his hands in the air as he says, "My boss is preventing me from transfering to a great job." Catbert says, "That's outrageous! There shouldn't be any great jobs at this company." Dilbert says, "Once again, you've made a bad situation worse." Catbert replies, "That's the human resources promise."
Caption: "Catbert: Evil H.R. Director" Catbert tells Ted and Dilbert, "There will be no layoffs after the merger." Catbert says, "However, many of you will be transferred to jobs on a frozen." Ted asks, "Will we have protective space suits?" Catbert says, "I label you 'not a team player'."
Caption: "Catbert: Evil H.R. Director" Catbert tells The Boss, "I'm having trouble finding qualified external applicants." Catbert says, "All I have are a headless man, a mime, and a frozen cro-magnon guy we found in a glacier." The Boss asks, "Does the mime bring his own invisible cubicle? I love those!" Catbert replies, "Only if we pay his relocation costs."
Caption: "Catbert: Evil H.R. Director" Catbert says, "Alice, the experts say you need to balance work and home life." Catbert says, "You worked 80 hours last week. That's less than half of the hours in a week." Catbert says, "Give us some balance, you selfish hag." Alice replies, "This conversation took a nasty turn."
Headline: Catbert: H.R. Director. Catbert is sitting on The Boss' desk. Catbert says, "When you dumped more work on Wally, did he moan? Or did he scream?" The Boss responds, "It sounded like this... Aaoo-muw-aahh-ow-ow!!" Catbert walks down the hall and thinks, "The staffing levels sound about right."
Caption: "Catbert: Evil H.R. Director" Catbert sitting on desk while Alice puts her hand on her head and says, "My eyes are sore from using the computer." Catbert says, "Try typing with your fingers, the way everyone else does." Catbert lays on top of his computer and thinks, "Personally, I find computers very restful on my eyes."