Disciplinary Action Comic Strips - Page 2

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48 Results for Disciplinary Action

View 11 - 20 results for disciplinary action comic strips. Discover the best "Disciplinary Action" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 17, 1996's comic on:


Tags #action plan, #solve problems, #problems, #demented, #expense, #demented plat, #lift veil, #ignorance

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Dilbert and Liz sit on a park bench. Liz says, "Um . . . When I've shared my feelings with you, I wasn't hoping you'd design an action plan to solve all of my problems." Dilbert asks, "Why else would you tell me all of your problems . . . Unless it's some demented plot to make yourself feel better at my expense?" Back at home, Dilbert tells Dogbert, "You were right. It was all a demented plot." Dogbert says, "I'm trying to gradually lift your veil of ignorance."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 26, 1997's comic on:


Tags #plan too much, #bias for action, #posters, #proclaim commitment, #measure once, #cut twice

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The Boss sits at his desk and says, "We plan too much. From now on we'll have a bias for action." The Boss tells Asok and Wally, "I want posters that proclaim our commitment to action. And I want them soon!" The Boss reads a poster, "'Measure once. Cut twice.' I like it." Wally tells Asok, "Told you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 26, 1998's comic on:


Tags #no real purpose, #rais eissues, #form action plans, #urge to stomp, #not very professional

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Alice, Ted and Dilbert sit at a conference table. Ted says, "Thank you all for comimg to the meeting that has no real purpose." Ted says, "Maybe we could raise issues and then form action plans." Alice says, "I have an urge to stomp you to death." Ted says, "That's not very professional of you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 28, 1996's comic on:


Tags #fear of action, #festering cynicism, #lame company, #loyalty, #micromanged, #need help, #only one on earth, #physical abnormalities, #six years experince, #downsizing

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Dilbert arrives at home carrying a briefcase. Dogbert sits on the armrest of the chair. Dilbert says, "I need your help, Dogbert." Dilbert carries Dogbert to the desk as he explains, "My company is downsizing. They told us to write our own job requirements then reapply for our jobs." Dogbert asks, "Why do you want to keep working for such a lame company?" Dilbert quips, "Loyalty!" Dilbert and Dogbert laugh. Dogbert says, "Good one." Dogbert says, "Okay. You must write your job requirements so you are the only one on earth who fits." Dilbert replies, "Right." Dogbert dictates, "The candidate must have six years experience sitting in a big box being micromanaged by a nitwit." Dilbert adds, "The candidate must have a festering cynicism and an acquired fear of action." Dogbert says, "Good." Dilbert says, "That narrows it to ten thousand employees." Dogbert says, "We'll have to focus on your physical abnormalities."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 1997's comic on:


Tags #cheetah, #drew lines, #feel bad, #mock you, #morale of the story, #opinions mattered, #pure adrenaline, #shrunk everything, #sprang into action, #totally worthless, #trampoline

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Dilbert arrives at home and says to Dogbert, "You're probably wondering how my day was." Dogbert sits on the couch reading a magazine. Dilbert says, "It was terrible . . . Until I did THIS!" Dilbert holds up a diagram. Dilbert sits down and explains, "It all started when I deluded muself into thinking my opinions mattered." Dilbert continues, "I sprang into action like a cheetah on a trampoline!" Dilbert gets up and demonstrates. Dilbert continues, "I drew lines and boxes and arrows for hours. It was pure adrenaline." Dilbert shouts, "Suddenly, trouble struck! It wouldn't fit on one page!!" Dilbert continues, "So I shrunk everything until it was totally unreadable. And it fit!!" Dilbert concludes, "The moral of the story is that you don't have to feel bad just because you're totally worthless." Dogbert says, "I'd mock you but the challenge is gone."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 27, 1997's comic on:


Tags #fake acronyms, #staff meeting, #straight face, #action items, #cod meeting, #marketing, #could lie, #business

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Wally hands Dilbert and Alice a document. Wally says, "Here's your list of fake acronyms for the staff meeting." Wally says, "Try to keep a straight face when you use them." The Boss puts his hand on a stack of paper and says, "I've got a few action items. Who isn't busy?" Wally replies, "I'd be all over it but I need to prepare a BTR for the CPD meeting." Alice says, "I'd love to help but this is XRP week for the entire LBQ." Dilbert says, "My SP00 has too much fleem." Alice growls at Dilbert and Wally glares at him. Dilbert asks, "What?" They carry stacks of documents out of the conference room. Wally says, "That was smooth." Dilbert replies, "Hey, if I could lie I'd be in marketing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 29, 2000's comic on:


Tags #action items, #filberts mother, #gnp, #not giving back, #tuition money, #costs for strategy

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Dilbert is with his Mom. She is drinking tea. She asks Dilbert: "Did you do any action items this week?" Dilbert answers: "I gathered costs for a strategy we had already decided not to use." Dilbert's Mom says: "That helps the Ol' GNP." Dilbert tells her: "I'm not giving back your tuition money."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 05, 2002's comic on:


Tags #motor noises, #with lips, #scorpion king, #action figure, #personal message with nose, #trifecta, #carol

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Carol is sitting in her cubicle with a regular telephone in one hand and a cell phone in the other. She says into the regular phone, "So I told him to stop making noises with his lips." Carol turns and yells into the cell phone, "Get the Scorpion King action figure away from your sister's barbie!!!" Wally and Dilbert are looking over a cubicle wall. Wally says, "Now she's also typing a personal message with her nose!" Dilbert replies, "It's a trifecta!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 31, 2007's comic on:


Tags #new philosophy, #a bias for action, #six sigma program, #iso certification

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The Boss: Our new philosophy is 'a bias for action'. Dilbert: Are we eliminating our Six-Sigma program, the budget cycle, ISO certification, and our approval processes? The Boss: Can I get back to you on that? Dilbert: Sure. No rush.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 26, 2009's comic on:


Tags #television, #shows, #options, #action movie, #cooking show, #content, #Entertainment

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Dilbert says, "Well, we can watch a cooking show and imagine what delicious food tastes like?" Dilbert says, "Or an action movie so we can imagine killing people while cracking jokes." Dilbert says, "Maybe I can reword those choices to make us feel less like psychopathic hobos." Dogbert says, "Please do."