Do Nothing Comic Strips - Page 2
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Ratbert walks across Dilbert's desk and says, "You know what's funny? I'll tell you." Ratbert continues, "You're working hard. I'm doing nothing. In a hundred years we'll both be dead." Dilbert says angrily, "You might not need to wait that long." Ratbert says as he walks away, "I think I'll spread some joy over this way."
Dilbert, who is wearing a bathrobe, tells Dogbert, "I convinced my boss to let me telecommute." Dogbert asks, "How?" Dilbert replies, "Well, technically, I called in sick, which comes out of my time bank for total days off." Dilbert continues, "So, technically, I'm working for nothing, but I'm ahead in principle." Dogbert says, "WAY ahead, now that stupidity is a principle."
Wally and a man sit at a conference table. The man says, "Wally, I forgot to tell you that all of the project requirements changed." Wally shouts, "What?!! All my work was for nothing?!!" The man looks shocked. Dilbert asks, "He actually believes you did work?" Wally replies, "I think I'll get some homemade cookies out of this!"
Dilbert and Dogbert walk in the park. Dilbert is wearing a sweatshirt. Dilbert asks, "Are you telling me that YOU invented the first Web browser?" Dogbert replies, "Not alone. I worked with our garbage man." The caption says, "Flashback." Dogbert sits on a garbage can and tells the garbage man, "I wonder how long people would sit in front of a computer waiting for nothing." The garbage man replies, "Let's find out!" They sit at a computer. The garbage man asks, "What if this thing gets out of hand?" Dogbert replies, "We'll blame it on some drunken college kid."
The caption says, "Flashback to the invention of the first Web browser." Dogbert and the garbage man sit at a computer. The garbage man asks, "What should we call our prank, Dogbert?" Dogbert replies, "Well, it's designed to make millions of people sit around waiting for nothing to happen . . ." The caption says, "A few years later." A skeleton sits at a computer with a spider web attached to him and the monitor. The man says, "Hey, I can almost see a recognizable blotch! This is awesome!"
Dilbert gets dressed. Ratbert stands on the edge of the bed. Ratbert says, "I've decided to be one of those guys who says whatever is on his mind." Ratbert stands silent. Dilbert is fully dressed, holding his briefcase. Ratbert sits on the edge of the bed. Dilbert says, "Still nothing?" Ratbert says, "Boy, this is a real eye-opener."
Caption: "Catbert: H.R. Director" Alice sits in a chair across from Catbert's desk. Alice with her arms out says, "I work hard, but all I get are tiny raises." Catbert says, "If we gave you everything you wanted, then you would have nothing to motivate you." ALice says, "I don't want to be motivated." Catbert says, "That's why I enjoy doing it!"
Dilbert and his mother stand in the kitchen. Dilbert asks, "What do you want for your birthday this year, Mom?" Dilbert's mother replies, "Oh, nothing. I have everything I need." Dilbert says, "Oh, c'mon. There must be something you want." His mother replies, "Well, one thing, but it's silly." They sit in chairs. Dilbert says, "You just name it." His mom replies, "Okay." Dilbert's mother says, "I'd like a home entertainment theatre with a fifty-inch screen, 'Thx' Surround Sound and a 600 KBPS satellite link to the Net so I can view adult pictures during the commercials." Dilbert replies, "I was thinking more along the lines of a new toaster oven." Dilbert's mother says, "Oh, that's exciting. I'll put it next to my other one and watch them fight it out." Dilbert says, "There's a real dark side to the information age." Dilbert's mother says, "Oh, and about the gift of life I gave you; you're welcome."
A presenter says, ".. Now let's look at our year-to-date variance in depreciation." Alice notices a sleeping co-worker on one side and thinks, "Only five minutes left of our four hour meeting." There is another sleeping co-worker on her other side. Alice thinks, "Uf he keeps droning, there won't be any time for my presentation." Alice thinks, "I spent a whole week preparing my presentation." Alice realizes, "Everyone else is already asleep." Alice plans, "My only hope is to stun the presenter with a stale donut." Presenter points to a chart and says, "As you can see, there's nothing to report." A donut heads for the back of the presenter's head." Alice thinks, "I wasted a donut." Everyone around her is sleeping.
Ratbert says, to Bob the dinosaur, "Bob, have you ever noticed that the people with the most experience are the ones who die?" Bob says, "No." Ratbert says, "My plan is to spend the rest of my life in an old coffee can, experiencing nothing. Hence, immortality." Dilber says, to Ratber who sits in a coffee can, "How was your first week of immortality?" Ratbert says, "So far, it's overrated."