Dogbert Venture Capitalist Comic Strips - Page 2
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Vijay, the world's most desperate venture capitalist "I started in my garage..." "Take my money!!!" "Don't you want to hear the rest?" "I don't see how it could get any better." "I have a product." "I need a forklift and massage oil now!!!"
Vijay, the world's worst venture capitalist Dilbert says, "A hundred million people need this type of service." Dilbert says, "I already built the website and people are signing up." Foop! $ Vijay says, "When we negotiate my equity stake, focus on my poker face and not my optimistic hair." Yeeha!!!
Dogbert meets the soviet exchange program dog. Dogbert: He seems harmless. Polar Bear: Greetings, comrade Dogbert. I have come to learn capitalist system from dog's perspective. ...and your god is this Donald Trump? Dogbert: I don't think it's official yet.
Dogbert: You see, Dorgy, under our capitalist system anybody can become rich. Dogbert: Inheritance and crime are the most popular methods. Dorgy: Which is preferred method? Dogbert: It's best to have your parents do the crime and let you inherit it.
Venture Capital Dogbert: I need $100,000 for my location-based, social media, could start-up. Coworker: I'm not giving you $100,000 just because you spewed some buzz-words. Dogbert: The how about $10 million? Coworker: Wait... now it sounds like a good investment. How did you do that? Dogbert: I can tell you, but it won't be flattering.
Dilbert lies on his couch and Dogbert sits on the backrest. Dogbert says, "I'm starting my own venture capital firm." Dogbert continues, "I'm attracted to the concept of watching people with moronic ideas beg for money." Dilbert asks, "Will you actually finance anybody?" Dogbert replies, "That would sort of crimp the mirth."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a table. Dilbert says, "Be honest, Dogbert. Do you think I'm a gifted inventor . . ." Dilbert asks, ". . . Or just a pathetic dweeb who contributes nothing to humanity?" Dogbert says, "Well . . . Uh . . . I think . . ." Dogbert says, "In my mind, you are the 'tube sock of inventors.'" Dilbert says, "Really? Gosh . . . Thank you . . . Wait, that's good, right? Of course, it must be good." Dogbert says, "Ambiguity succeeds where honesty dares not venture."
Dogbert, Dilbert and Wally sit at a table. Dogbert says, "The business plan for your start-up is idiotic but I'm going to provide the venture capital funding anyway." Dogbert continues, "We'll generate lots of media hype, go public and make millions by shafting greedy and ignorant investors." Dogbert continues, "The Latin word for 'close your eyes and open your mouth' is 'prospectus.'" Wally says, "This is exactly why I'm afraid of dogs."
Dogbert Consults Dogbert: "Where does your company fit on this comprehensive list?" Facebook, China, Irrelevant Dogbert says, "Now let's form breakout groups to fantasize about being relevant."
Dilbert: I wonder why people get mad when I point out how dumb they are. I'm just trying to be helpful. I don't want people going through life not knowing what the problem is. I'm kind of like a doctor. Dogbert: I stopped listening back at the house.