Dumb Ideas Comic Strips - Page 2
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dogbert's tech support ted: i can't figure out how to use your product. what should i do? dogbert: i recommend changing jobs to something less challenging. ted: are you saying i'm dumb? dogbert's once from phone: no. no. no. i'm only implying it.
Dogbert says, "I don't like people." Dogbert says, "What makes your company so profitable?" CEO says, "I give all of the credit to our fine employees." Dogbert says, "Is that another way of saying you're overpaid and useless?" CEO says, "Um... no. I'm their leader. I set the direction." Dogbert says, "Because the employees are too dumb to set their own direction?" CEO says, "No! They're smart!" Dogbert says, "But not as smart as you?" CEO says, "Who's going to see this?" Dogbert says, "No one, assuming you're the highest bidder." Dogbert's CEO Interview Series
Carol: You should build your own helicopter from a kit. I'll send you a link to the website. It's only dangerous for people who are too dumb to know how dumb they are. Boss: Is it as easy as it sounds? I have pliers. Carol: Yes!
Dogbert: Welcome to the monthly meeting of "The Society for the Preservation of Evil Ideas." Our goal for the coming year is to convince companies to file absurdly broad patents and sue each other for infringing. CIO: How do we make money from that? Dogbert: Beats me. I'm just here to embezzle your dues.
Dilbert: I wonder why people get mad when I point out how dumb they are. I'm just trying to be helpful. I don't want people going through life not knowing what the problem is. I'm kind of like a doctor. Dogbert: I stopped listening back at the house.
Boss: We need creative ideas for our next product. But not from you. Your ideas are awful. And don't suggest something that is already being done. That just puts your ignorance on public display. I don't want to hear any ideas that cost money or increase risk. As usual, I'll evaluate each idea by repeating it slowly while I look at your with disdain. If you come up with a good idea, I'll let you take on the project in addition to your existing work. Who wants to go first? How did I hire so many people who have no ideas? Catbert: Probably bad luck.
Boss: These are our 25 focus areas for next year. Asok: Ha ha! Good one. Sometimes I think you have no sense of humor and then zing! What? Dilbert: I think it's real. Asok: It can't be real. No one would be dumb enough to think we can focus on 25 areas. Don't worry. I've got this. This misunderstood man is a brilliant comedian. He is only pretending to be an angry idiot. You're totally selling it.
Man: At Google, we're encouraged to spend 20% of our time developing our own ideas. Dilbert: How many hours per week do you work? Man: About sixty. Wally: It sounds better when you don't do the math.
Boss: I'd like to begin the meeting by giving Dilbert some destructive criticism. Everything you do is dumb. I don't know why I hired you. I feel much more motivated now. If you feel a little bit worse, we came out ahead as a team.