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View 11 - 20 results for efficient meassages comic strips. Discover the best "Efficient Meassages" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 1994's comic on:


Tags #reengineering, #questioning employees, #get fired, #objective data, #business process, #flying monkeys, #finished design

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The boss: engineering is simple. you start by questioning the employees who would get fired if you succeeded. The Boss: Then you use data to design a more efficient business process. Dilbert: So...you say you use flying monkeys to deliver the finished design? Men: They're very fast.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 03, 1994's comic on:


Tags #all day meeting, #bathroom, #critique the decor, #house, #kitchen shoddy, #sub teams

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wally: "How foolish of you to host the all-day staff meeting at your house." "Let's form sub-teams to be more efficient. Ted will do accidental spills. Alice, you critique the decor. I'll be a floater." Alice: "Kichen, shoddily done..." Ted: "I spilled mayonaise on the wall." Wally: "Where's the bathroom?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 13, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #garbage, #construction, #trash compactor, #brick, #sylvester stallone, #socks

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Dilbert stands outside his lab. He tells Dogbert, "Well, Dogbert, I believe I have solved the world's garbage problem." Dogbert says, "I didn't know garbage had any problems." Dilbert and Dogbert walk down the stairs to the lab. Dilbert says, "I've invented the most efficient trash compactor ever." Dilbert kneels in front of a device and says, "This baby can squash two tons of garbage into a little brick!" Dogbert says, "No doubt you've considered the valuable uses for the brick itself." Dilbert asks, "Uh . . . Right . . . For home construction?" Dogbert says, "Or just as an immovable object that smells like Sylvester Stallone's socks."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 21, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #masterpiece, #Dilbert, #discovered, #art, #form, #brilliant, #considered, #abstract, #expression, #inner, #feelings, #gullible, #morons

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Dogbert sits at the table drawing on a piece of paper. He thinks, "Another masterpiece." Dilbert asks, "What are you doing, Dogbert?" Dogbert replies, "I discovered a highly efficient art form." Dogbert explains, "I've brilliantly combined the simplicity of charcoal with the simplicity of abstract expression." Dogbert continues, "The secret is to let your deepest inner feelings guide the charcoal." Dilbert looks at a drawing and says, "Inner feelings?! What inner feelings? These are scribbles." Dilbert continues, "All I see here is that a cynical dog thinks art buyers are a bunch of gullible morons." Dogbert says, "Wow! I nailed that one!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 19, 1993's comic on:


Tags #time machine, #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #recycling, #trash

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Dilbert kneels in front of a machine. He tells Dogbert, "My time machine is complete." Dogbert says, "I guess you'll be off to explore exotic and fascinating civilizations." Dilbert asks, "Why would anybody want to do that?" Dogbert replies, "Beats me." Dilbert says, "My plan is to send all of our trash to ourselves twenty years from now. We'll have much better recycling methods by then." Dilbert puts a bag of trash into the time machine and says, "I wonder what elegant methods we'll have for recycling in the future." Dilbert continues, "I bet we'll have a way that's quick and efficient and . . ." Dogbert asks, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Dilbert says, "Uh-oh." They hear a "ping." Dilbert and Dogbert stand among several bags of trash. Dilbert says, "We would send it back in time and wait for it to decompose." Dogbert says, "I hate us."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 27, 1994's comic on:


Tags #dog collar, #keep track, #employee slaves, #final humiliation, #cubicles, #gerbils, #rationalization, #mechanisms, #collar, #6 foot extension cord, #dog, #adapting, #animals

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The Boss: "Here's your employee locator device." "Sensors in the building will be able to track you at all times." "We'll know how many times you use the restroom and how long." "It's a dog collar...the final humiliation." "Once you got used to working in cubicles like gerbils, we knew anything was possible." "My conformance rationalization mechanisms are kicking in." "It's not so bad. A collar is simply an efficient design. Everyone is doing it." "It's not so bad." "It's powered by this six foot long extension cord."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 27, 1994's comic on:


Tags #south wing, #cubicle, #improve communication, #project team, #pawn in the game, #new dress code, #dressed like pawns

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The Boss tells Dilbert, "I'm moving you to a cubicle in the south wing." Dilbert asks, "Why?" The Boss answers, "Umm . . . It's more efficient if my group is all in one place." Dilbert replies, "Not for me. The people on my project team are all in this wing." The Boss says, "It will improve communication in our group." Dilbert replies, "I don't need to communicate with my group. I only need to work with my project team." Dilbert continues, "I'll bet another manager wants that same cubicle in the south wing. I think I'm just a pawn in your little game." The Boss says, "You move tomorrow. By the way, there's a new dress code." Dilbert and Wally wear chess pawn costumes. Dilbert says, "You're in my cubicle." Wally replies, "You can only move to a diagonal cubicle."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 12, 1996's comic on:


Tags #new vp, #cost containment, #first priority, #reduce expenses, #office supplies, #supply cabinet locked, #butter efficient secreatray, #naive question, #dispirited hollow shells, #product shoddy, #get supplies, #like honesty

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The Boss, Alice, Dilbert, Asok, Wally and an executive sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I'd like you all to meet our new vice president in charge of cost containment." The VP says, "My first priority is to reduce our spiraling expenses for office supplies." The VP continues, "From now on, your supply cabinet will be locked." The VP continues, "The only key will be under the control of your bitter and inefficient secretary. Questions?" Asok raises his hand and says, "I am only an intern so please excuse this naive question . . ." Asok continues, "I've noticed that the employees are all dispirited hollow shells, management is random and our products are shoddy." Asok asks, "How are you going to solve that by making it hard to get supplies?" The VP looks angry. Asok says to Wally, "I thought you said they like honesty." Wally whispers, "Ask how much he's paid. It shows you care."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 26, 2000's comic on:


Tags #firing ted, #organize goodbye party, #suprise, #what happens

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Carol comes into the Boss' office and says, "At ten you'll be firing Ted. I'll organize his goodbye party." The Boss says, "You know what would be more efficient?" Dilbert, Carol, Wally and Asok the Intern stand in a room wearing party hats. Dilbert asks, "What happens after we yell 'Surprise'?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 28, 2003's comic on:


Tags #downsize, #department phone list, #efficient list

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Wally hands The Boss a sheet of paper and says, "I took the initiative and made a list of people you could downsize." The Boss looks at the list and responds, "This is just the department phone list with your name covered up." Wally says, "That's the sort of efficiency that kept me off the list."