Feed Her Comic Strips - Page 2
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23 Results for Feed Her
View 11 - 20 results for feed her comic strips. Discover the best "Feed Her" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday November 27,
1993
Tags #Dilbert, #physical, #manifestatioin, #ego, #worship, #female, #sparkling water
Transcript
Dilbert: Hi, I'm Dilbert and this is the physical manifestation of my ego. Dilbert's Ego: Worship me, female!! Dilbert: That's why I only feed it sparkling water.
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Sunday October 11,
1992
Tags #parent, #license, #parents, #old, #system, #parts, #brain, #garbanzo, #developed, #written, #test, #weed, #major, #bozos, #baby, #cries, #boss, #poor, #grades, #tutor, #discipline
Transcript
A man and woman see a sign on a building that says "Parent licenses." The man says, "We'd better check it out." Dogbert sits at a desk. The man asks, "Why do we need a license to become parents?" Dogbert replies, "Something had to be done." Dogbert continues, "Under the old system, all you needed to be a parent was a few body parts and a brain the size of a garbanzo bean." Dogbert reaches into the desk drawer and continues, "So I developed this written test to weed out the major bozos." The woman reads, "If a baby cries, you should: A. Feed it. B. Discipline it. C. Call it 'stupid.'" The man says, "You have to show it who's the boss." The woman reads, "If a child gets poor grades you should: A. Tutor him. B. Discipline him. C. Call him 'stupid.'" The man asks, "What does 'tutor' mean?" The woman reads, "An acceptable nickname for a child is: A. Junior B. Ugly C. Stupid." The man says, "Depends if it's a boy." The man asks Dogbert, "Well? Can we be parents?" Dogbert replies, "No. And you'll have to leave some body parts at the front desk."
Friday November 28,
1997
Tags #authentic baby, #week old, #explain absence, #mickey rooney
Transcript
Woman's hands holds a babay over The Boss's desk. Woman says, "This is an authentic baby, less than one week old." Woman says, "As I feed this authentic baby in fron of you, recall how big my stomach was last week." Woman says, "So, do I still need a note from my doctor to explain my absence?" The Boss says, "Yes, unless you can prove where Mickey Rooney is right now."
Friday September 13,
2002
Tags #set up meeting, #customer, #technology, #humiliating, #poor, #fgreat food
Transcript
The Boss and Dilbert are still in barrels. The Boss says, "Set up a meeting with the customer so we can demonstrate our technology." Dilbert responds, "It's humiliating because we're so poor now. What will I feed them?" Dilbert pours cat food into bowls for the customers. He says, "If you think the food is great, wait until you see our technology!"
Thursday May 22,
2003
Tags #job not stimulating, #togers, #toger meat, #analogy, #zebra
Transcript
Asok says to The Boss, "My job is not stimulating my mind." Asok continues, "If you want to have tigers, you must feed them tiger meat." Asok adds, "But that is only an analogy. Please do not make me eat a zebra."
Saturday August 05,
2006
Transcript
"In order to make an informed decision, you would need to know as much as I know." "That's impossible. So instead, by mutual, implied agreement, I will feed you some lies that point you to the right decision." "If we don't upgrade our servers, a herd of trolls will attack headquarters." "No trolls!"
Monday September 03,
2012
Tags #anger, #apathy, #computer programmers, #preventer of information, #business case, #teamwork seminar, #goldfish crackers
Transcript
Mordac: I, Mordac, the preventer of information services, reject your business case because you used the old template. Ha ha ha! I feed on your anger and frustration! And now I will eat like a king! Dilbert: Good luck with that. I've been dead on the inside since the teamwork seminar. Mordac: Sheesh. I'm living on goldfish crackers.
Wednesday April 30,
2008
Tags #poison pill, #watch, #ceo carcass, #executives
Transcript
Dogbert says, "You can thwart this unfriendly takeover by using something called a poison pill." CEO: I keep one in my watch. I'll take it immediately." Dogbert: That's not...I suppose I could feed your tainted CEO carcass to the executives of the other company. CEO: Gurgle
Saturday October 11,
2008
Tags #100 million, #rickshaw driver, #pedal, #solar power, #pig without sun, #solar technology
Transcript
A man says, "We invested $100 million in your solar technology and all you developed was this ham sandwich." Dogbert says, "If you feed that ham sandwich to a rickshaw driver, he can pedal you all over town." The man says, "You call that solar power?" Dogbert says, "Try growing a pig without the sun."
Sunday August 24,
2003
Tags #boss, #touched by new hire, #cry, #hired, #special skill, #identifying good people, #part instinct, #favorite color
Transcript
Man: "When I'm not helping team members, I like to feed the poor or read to blind people." "I don't care about money. All I want is a chance to help humanity reach its fullest potential." The Boss: "You're so wonderful. It's making me cry! You're hired." Man: "Excellent." The Boss: "Come meet the team." "I have a special skill for identifying good people." "It's part instinct, part experience." "And yes, maybe just a little ESP." "Watch this." "Alice, your favorite color is...mitten?"
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