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Ted approaches Dilbert, "Can you sing or dance?" Dilbert turns to face Ted, "Ted? I thought you resigned in disgust two weeks ago." Ted replies, "Well...I wrote a huge resignation manifesto that I planned to e-mail to the entire company." With hands raised Ted says, "But I thought it needed pictures." With arms now raised to the side Ted says, "Before long I was adding video clips and humorous sound files." Exasperated Ted states, "Then I thought, hey, why not put it all on a website?" More calmed and reserved, Ted says "Now I'm turning the whole thing into an off Broadway theatre production." Arriving home after work, Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I saw my first motivated employee today."
TV Newsroom Dilbert says, "I invented a drug that switches off the brain's ability to make rational decisions." Dilbert says, "I think it would make a good story for your science segment." Man says, "Or we could drug-dart celebrities and film what happens." Dilbert says, "For science, right?"
"Yesterday, someone in this room gave me a document with a yellow paper clip." "I know that multicolored paper clips look 'pretty.'" "But I remind you that we are on a tight budget!" "We can't be throwing away all our money on colorful paper clips." "Do I make myself clear?!!" "I salvaged that paper clip from incoming mail." "Now excuse me while I stare at my watch and wonder how much you're paid per hour." "I'm sure you've done inefficient things that I don't know about." "Two minutes is... $5."
Dilbert is meeting with Tina. He reads a piece of paper and says, "Your budget is wrong. You forgot maintenance." Tina exclaims, "Why do you engineers always think you're right?!" Dilbert reaches for a device and says, "I anticipated your reaction and I came prepared." Dilbert holds the device in front of Tina's face and says, "Here's a list of every disagreement we've had." Dilbert taps on the device and says, "And here are the audio clips of the outcomes in your own voice." The device plays back a recording of Tina's voice, "You're right, Dilbert.. You're right... I guess you're right.. I'm wrong.. You're right... You're right." Tina reaches out her hand and says, "Let me see that for a second." Tina jumps on top of the table and smashes the device into pieces. She exhales, "Oo! Oo! Oo!" Dilbert thinks, "To an engineer, everyone looks like a chimp."
Boss: Dilbert says the government wants me to film my colonoscopy and give them the video so they can check for terrorists. Catbert: That makes perfect sense. Terrorists come in all sizes and they like to hide in caves. Boss: It seems like a violation of my privacy. Catbert: Whose side are you on?
Dilbert: I heard you got booted off the management fast track. Wally: Yeah. I fell asleep during the small animal snuff film and failed the sociopath module. Dilbert: That seems harsh. Wally: I offered to punch a squirrel, but they don't allow extra credit.
A man says to George Lucas, "There's a dog here to see you, sir. He may be on to our operation." Lucas asks Dogbert, "Yes?" Dogbert says, "I came to find out if the news on television is all faked by your special effects company." Lucas and Dogbert sit at a table. Lucas says, "Actually, we don't do ALL of the news here. We had to sub-contract the Dan Quayle stuff to the Muppets." Dogbert says, "I knew that."
Dogbert and George Lucas walk down a hallway in a movie studio. Lucas says, "My first film was the 1969 moon landing." Lucas shows Dogbert a globe, an astronaut doll and a model rocket. Lucas says, "The spacemen were actually Barbie dolls wrapped in aluminum foil." Lucas plays with two dolls and says, "Help! Ken! Help! I'm out of air! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!" Dogbert says, "I guess you had help with the writing."
Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I'm going to host my own television show." Dogbert continues, "It's called 'Dogbert's World of Amazingly Ignorant People.'" Dogbert continues, "Of course, I'll film you in shadows and alter your voice electronically." Dilbert replies, "That's very considerate."