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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 27, 2000's comic on:


Tags #forty million dollars, #needs approval, #over budget, #whose side?

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Dilbert holds out a slip of paper to his Boss and says, "This needs your approval." The Boss looks at the piece of paper and Dilbert continues, "The company will save forty million dollars but you'll be ten thousand over budget." Dilbert says, "And before you ask, no it won't work the other way around." The Boss says, "Whose side are you on?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 02, 2001's comic on:


Tags #thirty million dollars, #nigerina, #banker, #bank information, #email, #ten percent commission, #tube sock, #fell behind dryer, #ratbert, #typing, #computer, #answering scam, #technology

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Ratbert approaches Dogbrt holding a letter. Ratbert says, "A Nigerian banker needs my help getting thirty million dollars out of his country!" Ratbert continues, "All I need to do is give him my bank information by e-mail and I'll get a ten percent commission." Ratbert is seen typing: "Dear Gustava, my bank is a tube sock that fell behind the dryer."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 11, 2002's comic on:


Tags #fix interface, #million dollars, #close eyes, #wish hard, #saving

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Dilbert points to a slide and says, "We can fix our incomprehensible user interface for a million dollars." Dilbert continues, "Or we can close our eyes and wish real hard that our users won't care." The Boss closes his eyes and wishes real hard. Wally turns to Alice and says, "He's saving a million dollars. What did you do today?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 25, 2003's comic on:


Tags #decompose, #digits, #million dollars, #planned obsolescene, #upgarde, #upgrade now, #version, #newest software

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Dilbert is meeting with a salesman. The salesman says, "For only a million dollars, you can upgrade to our newest software version." The salesman continues, "Or you can slowly decompose in the miasma of our planned obsolescence." Dilbert says, "We can't afford to upgrade now." The salesman holds up a device and replies, "Say goodbye to the digits three and nine."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 13, 2005's comic on:


Tags #liberty, #calculating, #how eich, #willing to date, #happily married, #four trillion dollars

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Carol: I took the liberty of calculating how rich you'd have to be... "Before I'd be willing to date you. The number is four trillion dollars." "You're happily married." "That's all factored in."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 01, 2007's comic on:


Tags #elbonian, #factory, #million dollars, #competition, #office, #rebel attack

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Dilbert: Rebels have threatened to attack our Elbonian factory unless we give them a million dollars. The Boss: "That's outrageous! Tell them their competition offered to not attack us for half that price." Negotiations begin Elbonian: "That wouldn't even cover our costs of not attacking!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 16, 2013's comic on:


Tags #anger, #questioning, #bought start up, #million dollars, #diet coke, #wine

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Alice: We bought a start-up just so we could get the engineers, including you. Do something that's worth a million dollars. I want to see what that looks like. Coworker: You don't sound entirely sincere. Alice: Can you turn my Diet Coke into wine?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 19, 2008's comic on:


Tags #improve reputation, #million dollars, #tramps, #money to needy, #dnation

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The Boss says, "I want to improve our reputation in the community by donating money to the needy." The Boss says, "Find me a photogenic hobo who could use a million dollars." Dilbert says, "I'm looking for a hobo who could use a million dollars." A man says, "Sorry, we're tramps."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 20, 2008's comic on:


Tags #company sent, #local community, #authorized, #million dollars, #fight for it, #hobos, #alley way

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Dilbert says, "My company sent me to give money to a hobo. It's our way of helping the local community." Dilbert says, "I'm authorized to give a million dollars to one of you." A hobo says, "How do you decide which one?" Dilbert says, "Maybe you could fight for it." The other hobo says, "Say 'go.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 2007's comic on:


Tags #cost estimate, #user requirements, #estimate, #go over budget, #fired, #Number, #ten million dollars, #know cost, #input

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The Boss: "I need a cost estimate on your project." Dilbert: "I have no idea I haven't even gathered the user requirements." The Boss: "Don't worry I won't hold you to the estimate." Dilbert: "Yes you will. You will put it in the plan, forget we had this conversation, and fire me when I go over budget." The boss: "Give me a number or I'll fire you right now." Dilbert: "Okay, it will cost ten million dollars." The Boss: "That's too high." Dilbert: "If you already know the cost why are you asking me?" The Boss: "So you'll feel like you had input." Dilbert: "Is input supposed to feel this bad?"