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Dilbert: Our competitor just bought ten million copies of our software. Boss: Huh? Dilbert: They plan to give it away for free to entice people to buy their own product that has more features. We'll be part of their freemium strategy. Boss: That's just showing off.
Dilbert says to Phil the Ruler of Heck, "Gosh, I thought 'Heck' was just a figure of speech." Phil replies, "Yeah. A lot of people think they can get away with minor infractions." Phil says, "According to my records, last month you deliberately asked for THREE little ketchups at McDonald's when you KNEW you only needed TWO." Dilbert says, "I knew that would come back to haunt me. Look, I still have the extra one. I'll give it back!" Phil shakes his spoon at Dilbert and says, "Shame shame . . ."
Dilbert holds a can of furniture polish and a polishing cloth. Dogbert says, "Doing a little cleaning? Let me give you a hand . . ." Dogbert looks at his paws and says, "Wait . . . I can't lend a hand; all I have are these little paws." Dilbert says, "You'd make a good lawyer." Dogbert says as he walks away, "Charming . . . I offer to help and he insults me."
Dilbert lies on a couch in a psychiatrist's office. The therapist says, "Frankly, I'm tired of hearing your little problems . . ." The psychologist says, "I hate my job . . . I haven't had a decent date in a year . . . My biological clock is ticking away . . ." Dilbert asks, "Would it be unethical to date one of your patients?" The doctor replies, "Yes, especially an ugly one."
Dilbert arrives at home and sees Dogbert sitting on the floor in an empty room. Dilbert asks, "Dogbert, where's all of our furniture?!!" Dogbert replies, "Your new cleaning person loaded it into his van and drove away . . . Oh, and he said to tell you he quit." Dilbert says, "I think we need to review your job description as watchdog." Dogbert points to the wall and says, "I got his address." The cleaning person wrote on the wall "Send my check to," followed by his address.
Bob the Dinosaur and Dogbert sit at the table. Bob asks, "You're going to be an economic advisor to the President? What do you know about economics?" Dogbert replies, "It's simple, Bob." Dogbert explains, "The country needs to give all the money to dogs, thus stimulating the economy." Bob asks, "Why can't we spend the money ourselves?" Dogbert replies, "You'd probably fritter it away on food and health care."
Dilbert sits at the desk and Dogbert sits next to him. Dilbert says, "There . . . I think I've invented a way to send vast amounts of data without fiber optic cables." Dilbert continues, "It's a simple application of J. S. Bell's theorem. He showed that if you break up a molecule and change the spin of one electron, the spin of the other electrons originally joined will immediately change too, no matter where they are." Dilbert asks, "What do you think the fiber optic industry will give me for this." Dogbert replies, "A horse's head in your bed."
Dogbert: "Have you ever noticed how incredibly cute I am?" "Look at this little black nose, soft furry ears, adorable little tail...with these looks I could get away with murder." "I'm thinking of becoming a hit man for the mob." Dilbert: "I'm glad we have these little talks."
Dogbert: The end of the world is coming in the year 2000. Therefore, you should give me your money before its too late. Dogbert: It is written that money is evil, I'll keep your money in Dogberts special "evil be gone" device. And its completely deductible. ...from your savings. CUSTOMER: So Im actually making money!
The Boss: "You've got inflation eating you from the bottom...and no real opportunity for a promotion." "And as long as all the other companies are downsizing too, you have no leverage. I can get away with anything!" Dilbert: "I miss the eighties." The Boss: "Does this hurt?"