Guessing Comic Strips - Page 2
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29 Results for Guessing
View 11 - 20 results for guessing comic strips. Discover the best "Guessing" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday August 29,
2012
Tags managers & supervisors, prosperity, intuition, market research, success rate, binary choices, tiny manager, made of copper, business
Transcript
Boss: From now on, I'm going to rely on my intuition instead of market research. Dilbert: If guessing can bring your success rate up to 50% for binary choices, I'm all for it. Hey, look! I found a tiny manager made of copper in my pocket!
Thursday May 06,
2010
Tags evil director of human resources, email, funny videos, angry, yell, mouth open, privacy, guess, hurts
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert says, "100% of your email messages this month involved links to funny videos." Wally says, "The company is violating my right to privacy! This is an outrage!" Catbert says, "Actually, I was just guessing." Wally says, "It still hurts."
Friday October 01,
2010
Tags marketing, meeting, big mouth, open, stupid, product, guess, business
Transcript
Man says, "Our marketing campaign depends on a word of mouth. Unfortunately, our product is bad." Man says, "So we found a guy with poor judgment and a huge mouth to say good things." Man 2 says, "Present." Dilbert says, "Marketing isn't a real thing, is it?" Man says, "It's mostly guessing."
Wednesday October 20,
2010
Tags sales, bonus, boss, raise target, engineer, connect cables, computers, time machine, marketing, liquor, business, engineering
Transcript
Ken says, "I hate sales. Can you cross-train me to be an engineer?" Dilbert says, "Absolutely. All you need is a time machine and a brain with twice as many folds as your current model." Ken says, "Maybe I could try marketing." Dilbert says, "That's just liqour and guessing."
Wednesday July 15,
2009
Tags writing, newsletter, reading, ridicule, Family, annoyed
Transcript
Tina says, "I've been asked to chronicle your rise to management for the company newsletter." Tina says, "So far, I have the story of how your father was a barrel-shaped moron who married a blind woman." Tina says, "But it could have been the other way around. I'm mostly guessing." The boss says, "Lucky guess."
Sunday February 08,
2009
Tags job, orders, leadership, idiocy, guessing, confusion, business
Transcript
The boss says, "Dilbert, I need you to take over Carl's function." The boss says, "He's already gone, but Ted can train you." The boss says, "Ted was sometimes in the general vicinity when Carl did the function." a cloud says, "Doom" Ted says, "Try clicking the red...no, blue...no, red button." Beep ted says, "Ooh, okay. I didn't expect that." ted says, "Now you either have to erase all of the servers or activate the fire suppression system in the clean room." Dilbert says, "What if I click 'Cancel'?" Ted says, "That's what killed Carl." Ted says, "Anyway, that's all I know. The rest is just common sense."
Sunday May 30,
2010
Tags meeting, certification, lazy, lie, plan b, yell, passionate defense, argument, scare, wide eyes, point, shake finger, apology, business
Transcript
Wally says, "I accomplished nothing this week because I was going through certification." Wally thinks, "Don't ask. Don't ask. Don't ask." The Boss says, "Certification for? what?" Wally thinks, "Plan B: Mount a passionate defense against an argument that no one made." Wally says, "How can you say that certification is a waste of time?!" Wally says, "Without certification, management would be reduced to randomness!" Wally says, "Do you think you'd be happier just guessing who is qualified to do what? Do you? Do you?" The Boss says, "There's something wrong with you." Wally says, "Apology accepted. Next."
Sunday April 10,
2005
Tags regular goals, stretch goals, sacrifice health, personal life, criminal conduct, bonus, salaries below budget, ultra stretchy, employee rights, taken advantage, cheat employee
Transcript
"Here are your regular goals and here are your stretch goals." "What's the difference?" "The regular goals can be achieved by sacrificing health and your personal life." "The stretch goals require all of that plus some sort of criminal conduct." "I'm guessing that your boss gave uou the regular goals and you came up with the stretch goals on your own." "That way, When I achieve the regular goals you'll get a raise because I missed the stretch goals." "Then you'll get a bouns for salaries below budget." "Maybe we should talk about the ultra-stretch goals later."
Sunday October 21,
2001
Tags bad attitude, bad news, bad perfromance, boss meeting, downsized, dump, free from tyranny, rational, profits
Transcript
Catbert is standing in the doorway of The Boss' office. Catbert says, "Bad news." Catbert continues, "The employees figured out that they won't get raises next year because profits are in the dumps." The Boss gasps. Catbert's voice continues, "And they're being rational about it." Asok says to Wally, "We are free from the tyranny of having to work hard for raises." Wally exclaims, "Ooh-yah!" Wally continues, "But there's a delicate balance because we don't want to be down-sized." Wally continues, "I figure we can either have bad attitudes or bad performance but not both." Asok says, "I think I'll try having a bad attitude." Wally replies, "'I'm a bad performance man myself." Wally and Asok are sitting in The Boss' office. Wally says, "I just realized that my entire job can be done by guessing." Asok says, "Hey, dip-weed."
Wednesday April 24,
2013
Tags choosing, thinking, intuition, make decisions
Transcript
Dilbert: I wonder if I should rely more on my intuition to make decisions. Dogbert: You mean guessing? Dilbert: No. Guessing is totally different from intuition because of the... um... These things make sense in my head! Dogbert: Is there room in there with all of the intuition?
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