Hard On Survivors Comic Strips - Page 2
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Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dogbert asks, "Remember the time you laughed at your own joke so hard that you inhaled and snorted at the same time?" Dogbert continues, "Then you choked on your own spit, which caused you to lurch over and bonk your head on the coffee table . . ." Dogbert asks, "Who says your life is boring?" Dilbert replies, "I'm ignoring you."
The Boss: Well, well, It looks like Zumbu has designed another commercially viable product using only his tail. Dilbert: I could have done that....If I hadn't erased my hard drive when I installed my security software. I don't produce much, but its very secure. Monkey: Heres another one.
Dilbert: The only way to finish the project on time is by adding four engineers. Wally: theres one other option. you could make menacing statements about filberts job security until he works five times as hard. Just kidding. hee hee! The Boss: Ive been thinking about reducing headcount.
A man reads Dogbert's resume and asks him, "Your resume doesn't list any experience as a jet pilot, Mister Dogbert." Dogbert says, "How hard could it be?" Dogbert continues, "You could spend a lot of money on some pretty boy pilot with experience, or you can save a few bucks and have ME drive the corporate jet." The man says, "I AM under a lot of budget pressure . . . And I'm not allowed on the jet myself . . ." Dogbert asks, "It has a pilot eject seat, right?"
Dilbert stands in front of a room of people. He says, "Welcome to Dogbert's 'School of Hard Knocks.'" Dogbert says, "This is the school you've heard so much about." Dogbert continues, "Chances are, one of your parents is a graduate of this school." Dogbert continues, "At Dogbert's School of Hard Knocks, you will gain the wisdom that can only be obtained through suffering." Dogbert opens a box and continues, "Throughout the course, I'll be whacking you with various blunt objects." Dogbert continues, "It may be unpleasant at first, but you'll get used to it." Dogbert continues, "Eventually, your brain will rationalize the whole experience. You'll think I'm a dedicated teacher, and you'll actually believe you learned something." Dogbert shakes a stick and says, "Stick with the basics, I say."
Dogbert walks in the park. A fish with legs comes walking down the path. The fish says, "Howdy!" Dogbert says, "I've never seen a fish with legs." The fish explains, "I'm evolving into a higher life form." Dogbert says, "That sounds like a lot of work." The fish says, "Yeah . . . The hard part is finding a mate who isn't turned off by legs." The fish continues, "With any luck, the kids will be mutants too." The fish continues, "I'm hoping they'll have arms but not look too much like Rodney Dangerfield." The fish stands at the edge of a pond. He tells a female fish, "These legs are a natural advantage!" The female says, "Oh, that's original."
Dogbert sits on the bed watching Dilbert tie his tie. Dogbert says, "I'm going to try my paw at being a career counselor." Dogbert continues, "Insecure people will seek my advice and I'll tell them to be more self-reliant." Dilbert says, "That sounds lazy and unhelpful." Dogbert asks, "Would you want career advice from somebody who has to work hard?"
Dilbert walks into the office building carrying a laptop computer in a case. A security guard with a huge head says to Dilbert, "Halt and submit to the mind scan of 'Brainitor, the Guardian of Security.'" Brainitor closes his eyes, puts his hands on his head and says, "The bag contains one computer . . . 'Pentium' processor . . . one gig hard drive . . . highly fragmented . . ." Brainitor continues, "Please wait while I optimize your hard disk . . ." Dilbert says, "This is vaguely unsettling."
Alice sits at her desk. The Boss says, "It's time for me to update your objectives, Alice." The Boss continues, "We need targets that can only be achieved by amazingly hard work plus the constant support of management." The Boss says, "I'm busy, so you'll have to write them yourself." Alice asks, "What's wrong with this picture?"
Ratbert walks across Dilbert's desk and says, "You know what's funny? I'll tell you." Ratbert continues, "You're working hard. I'm doing nothing. In a hundred years we'll both be dead." Dilbert says angrily, "You might not need to wait that long." Ratbert says as he walks away, "I think I'll spread some joy over this way."