Hate Guts Comic Strips - Page 2
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Dilbert: If consumers hate our new product, we will probably go out of business. If they love our new product, a stronger company will enter the space and drive us out of business. CEO: Tell the engineer to stop making me sad. Boss: I have some fake revenue projections to cheer you up.
Coworker: Did you see my email with all of my recommended changes to your product? Dilbert: Yes. Everything you suggested is a bad idea, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life explaining why. Coworker: Now I hate you. Dilbert: All roads headed in that directions. All I did was take the shortest one.
Dilbert and Dogbert sit outdoors. Dilbert asks, "You know what I hate?" Dogbert asks, "What?" Dilbert continues, "I hate it when hundreds of people get together and throw a surprise birthday party for me." Dogbert responds, "It's amazing how nature protects us from the things we hate."
Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I got fired." Dilbert sits on the floor hugging his knees and says, "The crook who robbed our house used my company I.D. card to steal my job too." Dilbert sits in the dark and says, "All I have is you, my friend. Dogbert?" The caption says, "(Don't you hate it when they say) Continued."
Dogbert thinks, "One of the great things about being a dog is that we can take a nap any time we want." Dogbert continues thinking, "Sometimes we do it because we're tired." Dogbert lies on his back as Dilbert walks by carrying a briefcase. Dogbert thinks, "But mostly, we do it to make you hate your life."
Dilbert sees someone walking down the hallway toward him. Dilbert thinks, "Now for the 'Dance of the Eye Contact.'" Dilbert turns his head and thinks, "I pretend to look at spots on the wall. If our eyes meet too soon we'll have to awkwardly smile for ten seconds." Dilbert turns his head and thinks, "Now!" The man thinks, "I hate the first smile of the day."
Ratbert sits on a lab bench and asks a man in a lab coat, "What product are we testing today, Doc?" The doctor replies, "We'll be testing the safety of cosmetics. This will be your most dangerous assignment." Ratbert walks outdoors wearing eye makeup and blush. People yell, "Hey baby!!" and "Whoa!! Whoa!!" Ratbert thinks, "Sometimes I hate this job."
Ratbert says to Dogbert, "I'm following in your footsteps so I can be a demagogue too." Ratbert continues, "Your book 'Unmarried Men are Scum' was so successful that I decided to write my own hate book disguised as science!" Ratbert holds up a manuscript and continues, "I call it 'Moles are Morons.'" Three moles wearing sunglasses sneak up behind Ratbert. Dogbert asks, "Were you aware that moles have a strong underground movement?"
Dilbert kneels in front of Floyd's desk. Floyd yells, "What?! You think I'll help you just because I'm your co-worker?? Ha! I hate co-workers!" Dilbert begs, "All I need is . . ." Floyd yells, "I hate this job! I hate everything! The only thing I like is being mean to co-workers who need the vital information that I control!" Dilbert's underwear has been streched over his head. Another man with a wedgie says, "If you think YOU hate him, you should try being his secretary."
A woman approaches Dilbert and says, "So . . . Dilbert, welcome to the sales department. I'm Tina, your new boss." Dilbert holds out his hand and says, "Hi." Tina says, "As the new guy, you get the customers who despise our products and want to hurt us personally." A man climbs onto Dilbert's back and beats him on the head while yelling, "I hate you! I hate you!" Tina says, "You'll be selling to the small business market. He's your best account."