Hear Compliments Comic Strips - Page 2

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306 Results for Hear Compliments

View 11 - 20 results for hear compliments comic strips. Discover the best "Hear Compliments" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boost morale, #more reviews, #hear employees, #300% more criticism, #working in box

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The Boss says, "Good news, Alice. I'm going to have quarterly performance reviews to boost morale." Alice stands in her cubicle and replies, "Wow! In addition to working sixteen hours a day in this big box, now I'll get 300% more criticism!" The Boss says, "I'll have a chance to hear employee concerns four times a year." Alice says, "I assume comprehension will remain on the bicentennial plan."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #alice, #application, #compliment, #executive review commitee, #must be approved, #compliments are entitlement

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The Boss says, "I put you in for a compliment, Alice." The Boss continues, "It's not automatic. The application must be approved by the executive review committee." Three members of the executive review committee sit at a conference table. A woman says, "I don't think so." A man replies, "We don't want them to think compliments are an entitlement."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #father, #baby, #pictures, #tons, #compliments, #shallow, #beautiful, #model, #misunderstanding, #sincerity

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Wally tells Dilbert, "Uh-oh . . . New father coming this way." Wally says, "I'm out of here." A man says, "Hi, Dilbert. Have you seen my baby pictures yet?" Dilbert thinks, "Groan." Dilbert thinks, "I'll have to come up with tons of compliments or I'll seem shallow." Dilbert looks at the photographs and says, "This is the most beautiful baby in the universe. Looks just like you. She should be a model." Dilbert looks at the next photo and says, "Wait . . . This picture looks different. Did you have two babies?" The man replies, "The first picture was our pug dog, Winston. It got in there by mistake." Dilbert says, "I hope that little misunderstanding won't detract from the perceived sincerity of the following compliments . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #ratbert, #chips, #hear, #latest, #brain, #research, #proven, #stimulation, #conscious, #absurd, #rationalizations, #random, #interaction, #arguably, #control

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Ratbert sits on the hassock eating potato chips. Dogbert says, "Hi, Ratbert, may I have some chips?" Ratbert answers, "No, sorry. There are only enough for one." Dogbert asks, "Did you hear about the latest brain research?" Dogbert says, "Science has proven that the part of the brain responsible for conscious thought doesn't show any stimulation until AFTER you act." Dogbert continues, "That means you never make conscious decisions; all you do is rationalize what you've done after the fact." Dogbert continues, "Your life is nothing but a series of absurd rationalizations for the random interaction of chemicals in your brain." Ratbert starts blinking. Ratbert falls over, drops the bag of chips and screams, "Aaagh!!! My life is absurd!!" Dogbert sits on the hassock eating the chips. He says, "That was mean, but aruguably I couldn't control myself."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #compliments, #compliments list, #everything you say, #lower opinion, #analyze identity

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Dogbert and Dilbert go for a walk. Dogbert says, "When you're with a woman, everything you say will lower her opinion of you." Dilbert says, "But, I can give her compliments, right?" Dogbert's ears standon end. He says, "No! That's the worst thing." Dogbert says, "Women keep a log of all compliments. They analyze the pattern to identify negative trends." Dilbert says, "Should I use my real name?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mathematical proof god, #smartest garbageman, #transposed varaiables, #proves existence of dog, #you exist, #error, #hear something

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"Dogbert! Come here! I've done it!" "I created a mathematical proof of the existence of God!" "Give it to me." "This is a job for the world's smartest garbage man." "What can I do for you, Dogbert?" "Check this math." "Clever...but he transposed some variables. This proves the existence of his dog." "Now we know YOU exist and I must exist because 'I think, therefore I am'." "But since Dilbert wasn't thinking when he made his error, there's no proof that HE exists." "Hey!" "Did you just hear something, Dogbert?" "There's no way to be sure."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceiling, #hear strange sounds, #leap out window, #roof collapse, #water damage

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Dilbert stands in his Mom's living room and looks at the ceiling. Dilbert says, "I see some water damage on your ceiling, mom." Dilmom says, "What should I do?" Dilbert says, "That's usuall the first sign that the roof will collapse." Dilbert says, "Well, if you hear any strange sounds, you might want to leap out a window."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #idiots, #i quit, #higher paying job, #miles away, #adios, #web designer, #hear your idiots, #ethernet

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Dilbert, the boss and a male employee are sitting at a table. The employee who has a lap-top in front of him says: "You're all idiots. I quit!" The male employee is typing on his lap-top and says: "There ... I found a higher paying job two miles away. Adios, suckers." A female employee standing between Dilbert and the boss says: "I'm the new web designer. I hear you're idiots. Where's the ethernet jack?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #falling for robot, #human, #robo boss, #robot, #shallow compliments, #soulless machine

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Roboboss and Alice are at dinner. Alice says, "Roboboss, can this relationship work? After all, I'm a human.." Alice continues, "And you're a soulless machine designed to give shallow compliments to employees." Roboboss says, "You're giving 110%." Alice replies, "Stop.. don't make me love you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stay home husband, #support career, #chocolate, #hot and cold, #bobby, #didn't hear

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Alice says to the man in the apron, "Bobby, I'm looking for a stay-at-home husband to support my career." Bobby responds, "I'm sorry - I was thinking about chocloate, and I didn't hear a word you just said." Bobby walks away and says, "Br-r-r-r, I'm cold. Now I'm hot. Now I'm cold!" Alice thinks, "This will take some work."