Highly Trained Engineer Comic Strips - Page 2

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327 Results for Highly Trained Engineer

View 11 - 20 results for highly trained engineer comic strips. Discover the best "Highly Trained Engineer" comics from Dilbert.com.

Hypothetical Observer

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Hypothetical Observer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #employees, #insults, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #sarcasm, #idiot

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Dilbert: Thank you for explaining to me how to do my job, for which I am highly trained and you are not. An observer might be tempted to say only an idiot would do such a thing. Boss: Is that an insult? Dilbert: Hey, don't blame me for what a hypothetical observer says.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #management theory, #engineer, #find, #choices, #unhelpful, #useless, #office, #characters, #impractical, #doomed, #high demand, #engineering

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Man says, "I need you to assign one of your engineers to my project." The Boss says, "Follow me and I'll show you your choices." The Boss says, "This one is highly capable, but she's in such high demand that you'll be lucky if she ever returns a call." The Boss says, "This one is aggressively unhelpful." The Boss says, "This one will tell you that all of your plans are impractial and doomed." The Boss says, "That one is an intern, so no one takes him seriously." The Boss says, "My management theory is that nature makes everyone useless in their own way." Man says, "I'm not useless." The Boss says, "Said the man who can't find a good engineer."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #slaes rep, #nice suit, #dilbert questioned, #well dressed engineer, #not redibilty, #reverse makeover, #consultant, #engineers are grungie, #business

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The boss: go with our sales rep and answer the customer's technical questions. whoa! you can't go looking like that. This is a nice suit, exactly, a well dressed engineer has no credicbility! I'll call my reverse make over consultant. Im bob the straight eye for the queer looking guy. Lets see...I'll give you my clothes ...add ear hair eye brow extensions, You seem highly credible and I don't know why. Genius.

Tina Isn't An Engineer

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Tina Isn't An Engineer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineer, #evaluation, #value, #catch-22, #fired, #termination, #engineering

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Boss: The company makes me rank all of my employees. I put you last because you're not an engineer. I have to fire whoever is ranked lowest, and I can't afford to lose any engineers. Tina; What if I work harder, and do a great job? Boss: Then I'd fire you for not being a team player.

What Classes To Be An Engineer

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What Classes To Be An Engineer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #intelligence, #insult, #Advice, #logic, #engineer, #engineering

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Man: What kinds of classes should I take to become an engineer? Alice: Start by taking whatever kind of class makes you fifty percent smarter. Man: Then what? Alice: Then you won't need to ask me what to do next.

Smarter Than An Engineer

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Smarter Than An Engineer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #health, #allergy, #brain, #fog, #i.q., #smart, #engineer

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dilbert: i took allergy meds last night, and now i have brain fog. my i.q. is about 50% of normal capacity. boss: whoo-hoo! i'm smarter than an engineer! dilbert: not quite. i'm only down by 50%.

Master Engineer

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Master Engineer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #Promotion, #master, #senior, #engineer, #more, #pay, #platinum, #optimism

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boss: i'm promoting you to the position of "master engineer." dilbert: i'm already senior engineer. boss: now you're a master engineer. with all the rights and responsibilities that come with it. dilbert: such as...? boss: well, for example, you can do more kinds of work. dilbert: for more pay? boss: no. no. no! you're thinking of "platinum level" engineers. you're not on of those. dilbert: that comes next?! boss: optimism is not an attractive quality.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #therapy session, #cloud, #having meeting, #tech talk, #couch, #shrink, #avatar, #engineer, #engineering

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Dilbert: I was holding a virtual meeting using the cloud and... Therapist: you're already dead and you don't know it. Dilbert: um...no im an engineer. Therapist: and yet your should had a meeting in a cloud. Interesting. Dilbert: my people call it an avatar.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineers, #honesty, #viruses, #honest opinions, #causing problems, #medical records, #engineer, #classified as disease, #vaccination, #engineering

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Dilbert says, "I can't stop voicing my honest opinions. It's causing problems at work." Doctor says, "According to your medical records, you're an engineer. We classify that as a disease now." Man says, "Gaaa!!! You haven't had your pon farr vaccination." Dilbert says, "Is it warm in here?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cruelty, #fraternization, #friendship, #new engineer, #ginat dork, #star wars chess set, #email, #set up date, #romantic preference, #relationships

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Carol: Have you met the new engineer? He's a gigantic dork. You two would get along great. I'll email him to set up a date with you. Is tomorrow good? Dilbert: Being a dork is not a romantic preference. Carol: He says he'll bring his "Star Wars" chess set.