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Caption: "CAtbert: H.R. Director". Catbert is at his desk. A voice says, "The ceiling in my work area collapsed." A man stands with a still beam stuck on his head. Catbert says, "No one else has complained." The man says, "A steel beam hit me in the head!" Catbert says, "How can I be sure it didn't happen in your home?" The man says, "There aren't any steel beams in my house!!" Catbert says, "Maybe you removed them with your head." The man says, "Uh-oh.... losing consciousness." and falls over. Catbert says, to the man's feet, "If you can hear me, don't worry! I'll write your suicide note!!"
Dogbert stands on The Boss' desk and says, "You need a body double. They're popular with your most successful despots." Dogbert continues, "If someone tries to ambush you into making a decision, the double will take the hit." The Boss approaches Asok with a pointy-haired hat in his hands and says, "I want you to think of this as your own personal dress code."
"The trouble with hiring a hit man is that you have to have him killed to cover your tracks." "Then you need a hit man to hit the guy who killed the hit man. It's an endless cycle!" "But ultimately, it's all free, right?"
Then I was visited by the Specter of Unpaid Overtime. He hit me with his rake because he's trying to become a grim reaper. "Hee hee!!" "I just realized that I only enjoy your stories when they involve you getting hit by a rake." "That only happened once." "I plan to tell the gardener that you insulted his wife."
The Boss: "Run this by our attorney." Dilbert: "May I vigorously hit myself with a hammer instead?" The Boss: "You have my attention." Dilbert: "Either way, it's a painful process that won't change the final result." "But the hammer is quicker and it will still make you feel as if you made me do something." The Boss: "Okay. Try the hammer thing." BAM! "Ouch!" BAM! "Ouch!" BAM! "Ouch!" "Now run it by our attorney so it feels as if I did two things."
Boss: We're having an early adopter problem with our wearable tech products. CEO: No one wants to go first? Boss: I wish we had that problem. Dilbert: I wonder if we look as cool as we feel. Wally: Let's hit the clubs and find out.
Dilbert: Our CEO Bought a Russian military dolphin for his daughter's pool party and it killed a party clown. Then it stole a smartphone and hired Dogbert to put a hit on the CEO so the dolphin... Garbage Man: That's way too much exposition. Dilbert: ...fill the CEO's mansion with water and live in it forever.
Dilbert: My digital devices have reduced my attention span so much I can barely concentrate on work. I need a dopamine hit every four seconds or I look for something else to do. Carol: Would you mind terribly if I play with my phone while you drone on and on?
Dogbert says, "I'm ready to hold a press conference to introduce my cold fusion breakthrough." Dilbert says, "All you did is put a lightbulb in a jar. I can see the wires plugged into the outlet." Dilbert says, "You have a low opinion of people." Dogbert says, "I considered using a jar with frosted glass, but it seemed like overkill."
Press Conference Dogbert says, "As you can clearly see, I have created cold fusion." Man says, "That's not cold fusion. It's just a jar with a lightbulb." Dogbert says, "Here's some more news: No one cares what the camera guy thinks." Woman says, "It's free energy!"