How To Comic Strips - Page 2
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1000 Results for How To
View 11 - 20 results for how-to comic strips. Discover the best "How To" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday December 03,
1999
Tags website, webbish, how long, office, technology
Transcript
The boss says to Dilbert, who is sitting at his computer: "The web site needs to be more webbish" The boss says to Dilbert: "But not to webbish" The boss says to Dilbert: "How long will that take?"
Thursday November 23,
2000
Tags tips today, how much, three breath mints, death threat, scrawled napkin, napkin guy
Transcript
Dilbert and Wally are both wearing aprons. Dilbert, counting money, asks Wally, "How much did you make in tips today?" Wally says, "Three breath mints and one death threat scrawled on a napkin." Wally says to Dilbert, "I hope I don't forget which breath mint came from the napkin guy."
Sunday January 10,
1999
Tags how to book, teach people, winning lottery numbers, find free real estate, lose weight, tubs of ice cream, strong abs, see angels, near death experience, get rid witnesses
Transcript
Dogbert sits at Dilberts computer. Dilbert stands in a robe with a cup of coffee. Dogbert says, "I'm writing a comprehensive "how to" book." Dogbert says, "In chapter one, I teach people how to pick winning lottery numbers." Dogbert says, "Chapter two: How to find free real estate in very nice neighborhoods." Dogbert says, "Chapter three: how to lose weight by eating huge tubs of ice cream." Dogbert says, "Chapter four: how to build strong abs by joining a gym and never going." Dogbert says, "Finally, how to see angels by giving yourself a near death experience." Dogbert says, "That last one is just to get rid of all the witnesses." Dilbert thinks, "On the plus side I don't feel so bad about not recycling."
Tuesday September 18,
2001
Tags job market, bad job market, how hard, unemployed, leader
Transcript
Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss approaches from behind and asks, "How's the ol' job market lately? It's pretty bad, isn't it?" The Boss continues, "So no matter how hard I make you work it's still better than being unemployed." Dilbert turns in surprise. The Boss says, "Who's your leader? Go on, say it." Dilbert puts his head in his hands and replies quietly, "You are."
Friday February 22,
2002
Tags working model, test plant design, how big, real one, certificate
Transcript
Dilbert is working on a model. The Boss approaches. Dilbert says, "I built a working model to test my nuclear power plant design." The Boss asks, "How big will the real one be?" Dilbert responds, "About half this size. And it will cost $23 to build." The Boss replies, "I'd give you an attaboy certificate but my printer is out of paper."
Sunday January 16,
2000
Tags have none, intern, know how, semi colons, skills, teaching, tech suport, useful skills, cubicle, education
Transcript
Tina pokes her head into Asok's cubicle and says to him: "Asok, can you help me install an ethernet card?" Asok says to Tina: "Tina, I am not your personal tech support." Tina says: "But you know how to do it and I don't." Asok says: "Well...that is true." Tina says to Asok: "Could you carry the PC to my new cubicle? It's too heavy for me." Tina says: "Someday I'll repay you by teaching you about semicolons." Asok says: "How come I have many useful skills and you have none?" Tina answers: "I guess I'm just lucky." Asok carries the computer looking angry.
Thursday October 09,
2003
Tags management retreat, hawaii, how many employees, down size, pay of trip, against helicopter ride
Transcript
The boss: "The management retreat in Hawaii was productive." "We calculated how many employees we needed to downsize to pay for the trip." Ted: "Don't blame me, Ted. I voted against the third helicopter ride."
Tuesday December 02,
2003
Tags merging with evil compnay, downsize, how valuable
Transcript
"What?!! According to the paper, we're merging with an evil company that plans to downsize us." "Did they run my quote about how valuable you are?"
Monday July 26,
2004
Tags how many quarters, in a year, board meeting, sound smart
Transcript
The boss: I forgot how many quarters are in a year. Carol: two Unless its a leap year: then you have two quarters plus a penny, The boss; Maybe I'll say that at the board meeting to sound smart. Carol: Im free.
Tuesday October 26,
2004
Tags Kids, turned out fine, leave early, how many kids
Transcript
Man: Do you mind if I leave early to spend some time with my kids? The Boss: I never spent time with my kids and they turned out fine! How many do you have? The Boss: threeish.


