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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 19, 2012's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #huge head, #parade float, #pasty skin, #communication, #over rated

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Tina: I just noticed you head is huge. Alice: I never noticed it before, but now all I see is a parade float made out of pasty skin. Dilbert: Communication is overrated. Dogbert: I'm feeling that right now.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 06, 2012's comic on:


Tags #booth, #brochure, #exhibitions, #exhibitor expenses, #expenses, #huge crowds, #last 11 years, #logo sign, #new customers, #popular booth, #spillover, #steal chair, #trade show, #video of incident, #youtube

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Boss: How did we do at the trade show? Dilbert: We had a huge crowd around our booth the entire time. But it was just the spillover from the popular booth next to us. The only person who asked for our brochure used it to kill a spider. Some guy tried to steal our extra chair and then Alice beat him senseless with our logo sign. A video of the incident is already on YouTube. It cost us $200,000 to be an exhibitor and we gained zero new customers. So it was just like the last eleven years. Boss: I feel good about next year!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 27, 2012's comic on:


Tags #money, #budget, #last year objectives, #huge loss, #bottomline, #punish siuccess, #startegy, #management

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Boss: We've been asked to cut our budget by 30%. Dilbert: That doesn't make sense. We met all of our objectives last year. Boss: A different part of our company had a huge loss. Dilbert: Shouldn't you cut their budget, not ours? Boss: Their budget isn't big enough to make a difference to the bottom line. Dilbert: So our strategy is to punish success, and reward failure? Boss: Just do your job and leave the strategy to management. Dilbert: Hypothetically, if I do my job poorly, would that be good or bad for me?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 30, 2012's comic on:


Tags #huge fee, #non practicing entity, #patent troll, #patents, #playing field, #plunge civilization, #tangle innovation, #thwart compnies, #dark ages

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Dogbert: I'm a patent troll, but you can call me a non-practicing entity. For a huge fee, I will use my patents to thwart the companies that are trying to thwart you with their own patents. Together we can strangle innovation and plunge civilization into the dark ages! Boss: That would even the playing field.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 11, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #perpetual motion club, #hand, #secret, #handshake

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Dogbert asks Dilbert, "How was your first meeting with the 'Perpetual Motion Club?'" Dilbert replies, "Great! I learned the secret handshake tonight." Dilbert sticks his hand out and says, "You stick your hand out and spin it around like this." Dogbert asks, "Then what?" Dilbert replies, "Then you just keep on doing it forever." Dogbert says, "That explains why you keep it secret."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 27, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #sneeze, #hand, #mouth

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Dogbert runs toward Dilbert yelling, "Quick, quick! Give me your hand!!!" Dogbert sneezes violently. Dilbert looks at his hand as Dogbert says, "Thanks . . . I always put a hand over my mouth when I sneeze."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 27, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #hand, #cleaning, #paws, #lawyer, #charming, #insult, #help, #animals

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Dilbert holds a can of furniture polish and a polishing cloth. Dogbert says, "Doing a little cleaning? Let me give you a hand . . ." Dogbert looks at his paws and says, "Wait . . . I can't lend a hand; all I have are these little paws." Dilbert says, "You'd make a good lawyer." Dogbert says as he walks away, "Charming . . . I offer to help and he insults me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 20, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #hair, #clumps, #huge

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Dilbert stands in front of the bathroom mirror combing his hair. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I think I'm losing my hair." Dogbert replies, "Don't be silly. You aren't losing your hair." Dilbert says, "I'm not? Oh, good." Dogbert points to the floor and says, "How could you possibly lose these huge clumps . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 09, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #bank, #ethel, #hand, #combat, #serious, #automated, #teller, #machine, #encouraging

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Dilbert stands at a teller window at the Bank of Ethel. The teller says, "I cannot allow this withdrawal . . ." The woman continues, "Unless you defeat me in hand to hand combat." Dilbert arrives at home with a bandage on his head and his arm in a sling. Dilbert tells Dogbert, "They seem pretty serious about encouraging the use of their automated teller machines."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 01, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Men, #Women, #frolic, #rain, #payoff, #huge, #singing, #romance, #love

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The panel says, "The difference between men and women. (Well, one of them.)" Dilbert and a woman look out the window. The woman says, "It's raining!! Let's go frolic in the rain!!" Dilbert thinks, "Frolic?" Dilbert stands in the rain wearing a raincoat and hood. The woman dances in the puddles without a coat or shoes. Dilbert thinks, "This'd better have a huge payoff."