Incident Response Plan Something Like This Help Comic Strips - Page 2
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1000 Results for Incident Response Plan Something Like This Help
View 11 - 20 results for incident response plan something like this help comic strips. Discover the best "Incident Response Plan Something Like This Help" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday March 29,
1993
Tags #Dogbert, #device, #satellites, #broadcasters, #illegal, #sell, #electronic, #fishing, #lure, #hijack, #hat, #Dilbert
Transcript
Dogbert says to a store clerk, "I'm looking for a device that will allow me to take over the satellites of all the major broadcasters." The salesclerk winks as he says, "It would be illegal to sell something like that. But maybe you'd be interested in an electronic fishing lure instead." The salesman continues winking as he says, "Fish can't resist the 'Hijack 3000' lure. And it comes with its own stupid-looking hat!" Dogbert says, "Clever."
Tuesday June 14,
1994
Tags #bad schdeuling, #careless, #company cares, #last tuesday, #long hours, #missed out, #stress on workers, #stress redcution expert, #stressful, #talk at lunch, #too late
Transcript
"The company cares deeply about the effects of long hours and stress on workers." "So they're paying nearly $200 to have an expert on stress-reduction give a talk during lunch." "Just when you think they don't care, something like this comes along." "It's scheduled for lst Tuesday."
Sunday March 03,
1996
Tags #new candidte, #interview, #reveal ugly truth, #dedicated, #employee empowerment, #jennifer, #special pharse, #job interview, #snarky woman, #jettison dignity
Transcript
The Boss tells Dilbert, "I want you to interview the new candidate for engineering. Don't reveal any ugly truths." Dilbert and a woman sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "At this company we're dedicated to the principle of employee empowerment, Jennifer." Jennifer asks, "The 'principle of employee empowerment'?" Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." Jennifer asks, "Why would you have a special phrase for something like that?" Jennifer continues, "If you could really make decisions on your own it would never occur to you to invent a phrase for it." Dilbert thinks, "My shields are down . . . A hull breach is imminent . . ." Jennifer says, "Just don't tell me you have 'quality teams.'" Dilbert stands up and screams, "Run for it, Jennifer!!! It's too late for me but you can save yourself!!! Run!!!" Dilbert's clothes are tattered and his glasses are bent. Wally says, "Whoa! Hull breach. Any survivors?" Dilbert replies, "One. I had to jettison my dignity but she made it to the escape pod."
Monday January 26,
2004
Tags #illusions of progress, #companys name, #hi tech sounding, #onomatopeoia, #duhflushtech, #lack of awareness
Transcript
Dogbert: "You need to change the company's name to create the illusion of progress." "The name should be hi-tech sounding with a hint of onomatopoeia that signals your total lack of awareness." "Maybe something like 'Duhflushtech, inc.'" "I like it!"
Wednesday July 14,
2004
Tags #negotaiating, #have other offers, #phraseology, #ordered to lie
Transcript
Negotiating Dilbert: Ive been authorized to tell you that we have other offers. I can tell from your phraseology that you've been ordered to lie and your not good at it. Dilbert: what makes you think something like that? There it is again!
Wednesday June 28,
2006
Thursday August 03,
2006
Friday March 26,
2010
Tags #new vice president of engineering, #office, #lack of experience, #revenge, #office politics, #worry, #sabotage, #best engineer, #4g, #skeptical, #false information
Transcript
The New VP The Boss says, "Don't worry that I wanted your job, or that you have no experience in this field." The Boss says, "I won't try to sabotage you. In fact, I'll send you my best engineer to bring you up to speed." Vice President says, "So... it's called 4G because it's G-G-G-Good." Wally says, "Something like that."
Saturday August 07,
2010
Tags #presentation, #meeting, #the end, #apathy, #hate, #questions, #business
Transcript
Dilbert says, "That's my plan. I'd like to thank all of you for your utter apathy." Dilbert says, "A few of your stayed awake, and I think I got some accidental eye contact once when the A.C. made a noise." Dilbert says, "In conclusion, I hate my job, I hate my coworkers, and I hope feral cats eat every one of you." Coworker says, "Are you taking questions?"
Sunday December 15,
2002
Tags #new ustomer, #sign it, #write it, #valable time, #trapped in endless loop, #criticized, #start over, #write letter yourslef
Transcript
The Boss calls after Dilbert, "Dilbert, I want you to write a letter to our new customer." Dilbert follows The Boss down the hall. The Boss continues, "I'll tell you what to say, then you'll go write it and I'll sign it." The Boss sits at his desk and continues, "This way I won't waste my valuable executive time." He pauses and then continues, "It's efficient." Dilbert responds, "Yes, that's one possible outcome." He pauses and then continues, "Here's another." Dilbert continues, "You'll keep forgetting to mention important things that should be in the letter." Dilbert continues, "I'll be trapped in an endless loop of writing, tracking you down, getting criticized and starting over." Dilbert continues, "Or you could simply write the letter yourself and save us both a huge hassle." The Boss responds, "In paragraph one, say something like 'Hi.'"