Search Results for "irs in jail"
Share July 13, 1994's comic on:
"I oppose putting career criminals in jail for life. There's no evidence that longer sentences reduce crime." "So, your theory is that when career criminals are in jail, other people commit more crimes to keep the average up..." "Statistics don't lie, Dogbert." "Unless bad statistics went to jail - then the others WOULD like."
Share May 09, 2001's comic on:
Alice enters Dilbert's cubicle and announces, "Wally's in jail for impersonating a dead person." Alice, sipping her coffee, continues, "He'll have to use all of his street smarts to survive." Wally is seen in jail sitting next to a large man with tattoos, lifting weights. Wally grips his briefcase to himself and says, "I'll need some temporary tattoos. Which way is the gift shop?"
Share May 10, 2001's comic on:
Dilbert approaches Dogbert and asks, "Wally's in jail. Can you help get him out?" Dogbert answers, "Tell him to try the door. The guards only pretend to lock them." Dilbert, Alice and Wally sit in the break room eating lunch. Wally says, "But I'd have to say it was the lifers who were the most embarassed."
Share November 05, 2002's comic on:
The Boss says to Carol, "What happened while I was in jail?" Carol responds, "Morale skyrocketed, profits soared, and for the first time, life had meaning." The Boss walks into his office and thinks, "It's just my luck that I'd miss those two days."
Share January 13, 2004's comic on:
Dogbert: "You should smuggle a weapon on the plane." "And never, ever return your seat to its upright position! Stand up for your rights!" Dilbert: "I've noticed that all of your advice would put me in jail." Dogbert: "Why must you be so complainy?"
Share January 30, 2010's comic on:
Dogbert says, "You're an incompetent CEO, but the Dogbert Investment Bank can help you pretend to unlock shareholder value." Dogbert says, "I'll arrange an unwise merger so you can cash out while I collect an obscene commission." Dogbert says, "It's like a bribe, but instead of going to jail, a stranger will write a bestselling book with your name on it." CEO says, "Can I read it?"
Share April 21, 2017's comic on:
Dilbert: As you requested, I wrote a VR program that makes users feel as if they are in cubicles. I put only your name on the credits because I expect an angry mob to kill whoever created it. I also wrote a VR jail program in case you want to be in protective custody. Boss: I might need that.
Share June 29, 1991's comic on:
Dilbert sits in a prison cell with a large man. The man asks, "What are you in for?" Dilbert replies, "I killed a man with an ear of corn. But I was provoked." A guard hands a tray of food into the cell and Dilbert says, "Hey, look! Corn for lunch. Can you believe that?" His cellmate looks frightened.
Share July 08, 1993's comic on:
Two government agents holding guns stand behind Dilbert while he works at his desk. One agent says, "Erase all the formulas for making your 'Happiness Potion' and we won't jail you." Dilbert says, "Okay, okay . . ." The agent says, "You citizens only have the right to PURSUE happiness - you're not allowed to BE happy." The other agent says, "Citizens need discomfort in order to be productive and fulfilled." Dilbert replies, "Then you'll love this . . ." Bob the Dinosaur reaches for the agent's underwear and thinks, "Wedgie."
Share April 15, 1990's comic on:
Dilbert sits in an empty room wearing only his underwear. He tells Dogbert, "I always get a warm, satisfied feeling right after paying my taxes." Dilbert continues, "Sure, it's a sacrifice . . . But my money goes to support vital public services." Someone knocks on the door. Dilbert opens the door and two men in trenchcoats enter. One man says, "We're the IRS mop-up crew." The man continues, "We came to take your socks and shave sixty percent of your dog." The other man holds an electric razor. One agent shaves Dogbert while the other pulls off Dilbert's socks. Dilbert says, "Remind me to adjust my withholdings for next year."