Dogbert: "You need to change the company's name to create the illusion of progress."
"The name should be hi-tech sounding with a hint of onomatopoeia that signals your total lack of awareness."
"Maybe something like 'Duhflushtech, inc.'"
"I like it!"
Wally: My progress has been thwarted by a huge obstacle.
I.E. Everything I need to do is inconvenient.
You can take mu should but nit my lack of enthusiasm,
Why would my boss tell a vendor our strategy and not tell me? "It's probably a combination of your lack of importance and your total insignificance." "Do you have anymore questions like that one?"
Performance Review
Boss: Tina, you lack confidence. Tina: That's because you keep criticizing me! Nice leadership, you perspiring pile of pound cake! Was that better or worse? I can't tell.
The Boss says, "Meet our new vice president of engineering." The Boss says, "We're lucky to have him despite his utter lack of experience in our industry." The Boss says, "Some might call him unqualified, but I call him exotic." Vice President says, "You're over-selling."
The Boss: We'll be using the Dogbert personality predictor index to judge your career potential.
Then we'll leave you in the dead end job that most closely matches your lack of potential. Here's a sample question...
How would other people describe you? A)Angry loner B) embezzler C) lazy
Dilbert: That's not enough choices!
Dogbert: Says the angry loner.
The Boss: You have thirty minutes to give yourself a label that will haunt you for the rest of your life.
Wally: Would you say I'm more of an unidentified hominid or an inappropriate toucher?"
"No offense, but you're totally unqualified for this position."
Wally: "That's okay. I already have a job."
"I just need a job offer at a higher salary so I can use it to negotiate for a raise."
Wally: "My boss is an irrational dipwad who is easily manipulated by bogus comparisons and the illusion of scarcity."
Wally: "Your offer will make him think my value is much higher than it actually is."
"Great. Now that I know I can't have you, I desperately want to hire you." "My mind is already forming rationalizations for your total lack of qualifications!" "How do you turn this off?!!"
Wally: "I'll tell you after you write the offer."
The Boss: "Bruce, you're totally incompetent at your job, so I've moving you to another job." "I'm hoping your lack of training for your new job will make your incompetence seem normal." Half of this job is know when to give up."
Boss: I traced all of our problems back to your lack of creativity. You should be creating ideas that change the course of civilization, but instead, you sit there like a lump. Dilbert: I'm sending you a link that describes fun ways to choke yourself.
dilbert: once again, it seems you accomplished absolutely nothing this week
wally: no on will tell me our company's strategy, so anything i did would be random flailing
boss: a lack of strategy isn't keeping anyone else from working
wally: but shouldn't it?
