Life Expectency Comic Strips - Page 2

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392 Results for Life Expectency

View 11 - 20 results for life expectency comic strips. Discover the best "Life Expectency" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anxiety, #mobile (cell) phones, #telephones, #rings after 4pm, #caller id blocked, #ignore call, #email, #horrible issue, #hate life, #torture coworker

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Noise: Ring. Dilbert: Uh-oh. It's never good when my phone rings after 4 pm. Caller ID is blocked. Someone must know that I would ignore the call if I knew who it was. If it weren't urgent, it would be email. This must be some sort of horrible issue that will cause me to work all night. It stopped. There's still a chance that I'll be okay unless my cell phone... Noise: Bzzzz. Dilbert: GAAAA!! I hate my life! Alice: You're right. That was funny. Wally: Now I'll text him.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #commerce, #optimism, #patents, #patent infringement, #google, #apple, #microsoft, #oracle, #nasa, #astroid, #life span of optimist, #technology

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Lawyer: Our newest product infringes patents from Google, Apple, Microsoft, and Oracle. They've joined forces and hired NASA to nudge an asteroid toward our headquarters. Boss: I think we can win this. Lawyer: I wonder what the average life span of an optimist is.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #language, #thinking, #project management, #life cycle, #abtraction, #weightless, #management process

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Ted: The project management framework embodies a project life cycle and five major project management process groups. Dilbert: Oh no! The extreme level of abstraction has made us weightless! Ted: That doesn't even make sense.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #being a jerk, #big picture, #breaking up tasks, #emotionally gutted, #engineer, #engineers, #individual tasks, #losing will to live, #meetings, #personal life, #project plan, #rational plan, #sense of purpose, #engineering

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Boss: Any comments on the project plan? Dilbert: When you consider all of the tasks together, they form a rational plan. But our individual tasks are so far removed from the big picture that they are stripped of meaning. You've managed to remove all sense of purpose from my life. On an intellectual level, I understand the benefits of breaking tasks into small chunks. But you've left me emotionally gutted. As I read your plan, I'm losing my will to live. Boss: Can't you find meaning in your personal life? Tina: He's an engineer. Dilbert: Now you're just being a jerk.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #gloat, #rock, #perfume, #decadent, #life, #desires

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit outdoors. Dilbert says, "Okay then, suppose you had everything you wanted. What would you do?" Dogbert answers, "Gloat. Make everybody else feel like failures. Live a garish and decadent life." Dilbert asks, "And when that gets boring?" Dogbert replies, "Maybe start my own perfume company."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #death, #grim reaper, #yow, #challenge, #contest, #play, #life, #frisbee, #degrading

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The Grim Reaper points at Dogbert and says, "Dogbert, I have come for you." Dogbert yells, "Yow!" Dogbert pleads, "Wait wait! Don't I get to challenge you to some contest to play for my life!!?" The Grim Reaper says, "Okay . . . I throw this Frisbee - you try to catch it in your mouth." Dogbert asks, "Did you have anything more degrading?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #blind date, #biggest, #woman, #chance, #financially, #surviving, #dinner, #eat, #starch, #pasta, #banned, #life

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The caption says, "Dilbert greets his blind date." Dilbert thinks, "This is the biggest woman I've ever seen." Dilbert says, "Uh . . . Hi." Dilbert thinks, "I have only one chance of financially surviving dinner." The woman says, "Hi." Dilbert says, "Say . . . Why don't we go to the 'All-you-can-eat House of Starch and Pasta?'" The woman replies, "Can't . . . Banned for life."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #elbonian, #capitalism, #incentive, #twelve hourse, #rich, #tv shows, #millionaire's, #life

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Dilbert says to a group of Elbonians, "The first thing you Elbonians must understand about capitalism is the incentive system." Dilbert continues, "If you're willing to work twelve hours a day, eventually the guy who owns your factory will get rich." An Elbonian asks another, "Am I missing something here?" Dilbert continues, "Then you guys get to watch great tv shows based on the millionaire's life!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dinosaurs, #bob, #dawn, #lesson, #life, #stinks, #kick, #hatch

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Bob and Dawn the Dinosaurs stand in a cave watching their egg. Dawn says, "Our egg is starting to hatch!!" Bob says, "C'mon egg! Push! You can do it by yourself!!" Dawn yells, "Kick it! Kick it!" Bob asks Dawn, "Should we help?" Dawn replies, "No, it's an important lesson on life." The baby in the egg thinks, "So far it stinks."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #protest, #obscene, #opera, #foreign, #language, #sheltered, #life

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the desk. Dogbert says, "I'm writing to protest the obscene lyrics in opera." Dilbert says, "It's not obscene . . . It's a foreign language." Dogbert stops writing and says, "Oh . . . I thought I was just living a very sheltered life."