Long And Complicated Comic Strips - Page 2
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Dilbert stands in front of the dresser mirror tying his tie and Dogbert sits on the bed watching. Dilbert says, "My boss is giving me my annual review today." Dilbert sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss reads and document and says, "Your biggest accomplishment was the invention of automatic dentures?" Dilbert replies, "They can eat while you're asleep." Dilbert thinks, "This long pause could mean anything."
Dogbert lies in a bed recovering from his crash and two Elbonians sit beside the bed. One Elbonian says, "Elbonia was communist for forty years . . . We forgot our religious ways." The Elbonian continues, "When you fell from the sky I knew it was a sign from . . . Uh . . . Uh . . . Uh . . ." The other Elbonian asks, "Doug?" The Elbonian cries, "Long live Doug!!"
Dilbert, Wally, the Boss and a man sit at a conference table. Dilbert asks Wally, "Any luck trying to get fired?" Wally replies, "No . . But I'll get that severance package yet." Wally continues, "This morning I Krazy-glued farm animals to the Boss, but he STILL won't deal with all the bureaucracy to fire me." The Boss has a chicken glued to his head and a pig and a cow glued to each arm. The Boss says, "The staff meeting may run a little long today."
Dilbert walks toward a ringing phone. A voice on the telephone says, "Hello! This is a long-distance phone company with vague promises of unverifiable savings if you switch to us." The voice asks, "Is this an inconvenient time for you?" Dilbert replies, "No." The voice says, "Oh, then we'll call back later."
Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. Dilbert says, ". . . So, then I thought, ha! Maybe there's a bug in the computer program itself!" The woman reaches into her purse. The woman sprays Dilbert with a can of mace and he screams. Dilbert says, "Maybe that story went on a little long . . ." The woman asks, "What gave it away?"
Dilbert sits on the floor and leans against the couch and Dogbert sits on the couch. Dilbert asks, "Why do women write letters to guys who are in prison?" Dilbert continues, "Maybe if I commit a crime I can go to prison just long enough to improve my social life." Dogbert asks, "Why not do a personals ad instead?" Dilbert replies, "That's more of a last resort."
"The company cares deeply about the effects of long hours and stress on workers." "So they're paying nearly $200 to have an expert on stress-reduction give a talk during lunch." "Just when you think they don't care, something like this comes along." "It's scheduled for lst Tuesday."
"This chart shows the decision process we're using for my project." "Here we're wasting money. Then someone said, 'hey, let's create a complicated chart.' Now we're at this meeting, talking about the chart." "I have a question." "Great...there goes the plan."
The Boss and Dilbert sit at a table. The Boss says, "We've studied the Japanese model and decided to copy their best practices." Dilbert says, "Long term investing?" The Boss holds up a microphone and yells, "Karaoke!" The Boss stands on the table and sings, "Shaft! Can you dig it?" Dilbert looks at the reader and says, "Thank God we don't have lifetime employment."
Dogbert hands Dilbert the phone and says, "You can create the illusion that you work long hours by leaving voice mails for your boss at 4 a.m." Dilbert says into the phone, "Hi, this is Dilbert. It's 4 a.m. and I'm in my underwear and I thought of you . . .Oops . . . Erase . . . Oops . . ." As he presses the buttons on the phone it makes beeping noises. Dogbert's ears stand up in astonishment. Dogbert asks, "Did you just send an obscene message to your boss?" Dilbert looks at the phone and says, "No . . . I think I hit the group code."