Losing Empathy Comic Strips - Page 2
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The Boss sits at the head of the conference table. He says, "It's not enough to 'serve' our customers..." The Boss continues, "We must DELIGHT them!" Alice asks, "You mean we have to stop price-gouging?" The Boss replies, "No, I think we can still do that." Wally raises his hand and says, "Ooh! Ooh!I know!" Wally continues, "We could stop selling products with known defects." The Boss shouts, "I'm talking about products, not customers!!" Wally turns to Dilbert and Alice and asks, "Do you feel like delighting customers?" Dilbert replies, "I barely have the empathy to pity them."
Caption: "CAtbert: H.R. Director". Catbert is at his desk. A voice says, "The ceiling in my work area collapsed." A man stands with a still beam stuck on his head. Catbert says, "No one else has complained." The man says, "A steel beam hit me in the head!" Catbert says, "How can I be sure it didn't happen in your home?" The man says, "There aren't any steel beams in my house!!" Catbert says, "Maybe you removed them with your head." The man says, "Uh-oh.... losing consciousness." and falls over. Catbert says, to the man's feet, "If you can hear me, don't worry! I'll write your suicide note!!"
The Boss points to the screen and tells Tina the Tech Writer while she is behind her computer: "Tina, move that title..." He continues: "...over here." Tina screams: "Aaaagh!!" She exclaims: "Your finger oil is on my screen!!!" She says: "Now I have to spend ten minutes cleaning it..." She continues: "...because you don't understand how to hover your finger." She demonstrates for the Boss: "See?! This isn't hard. You hover the finger! Don't touch!" The Boss thinks as he is walking away: "I hope I'm not losing my aura of infallibility."
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Maybe it's a good thing that I was demoted to work among you noble little people." The Boss continues, "I have gained valuable empathy that will serve me well if I ever become a manager again." Carol walks past and says, "You've been promoted." The Boss exclaims, "Yee- Ha!! I'm not a loser!!"
Dilbert and his mom are eating dinner. Dilbert's mom asks, "Why have you only finished one project at work this year? Norma's son did three." Dilbert responds, "You can't measure someone's worth by counting the number of projects he does." Dilbert's mom says to her friends, "Maybe we should track R.O.I. instead." One of her friends replies, "Why, because you're losing?"
Dogbert is sitting outside behind a desk labeled, "Rat Hole." A businessman approaches holding a bag of money and asks, "May I throw money down the rat hole?" Dogbert replies, "Show me your business plan." Dogbert flips through the business plan and says, "You plan to pay huge investment banking fees to buy a low-margin, money-losing business..." Dogbert says, "For an extra fee, I'll push you in the hold and take your money." The businessman replies, "Oooh, sounds good."
The consultick has burrowed himself all the way through The Boss' torso. Dogbert says, "It looks like you need 'Dogbert's Consultant Removal Service.'" Dogbert continues, "He's in there good. You must be losing a lot of cash." The Boss bends over and Dogbert lifts up the back of his jacket. The consultick's head is sticking out of The Boss' back and his hand is in The Boss' pocket. Dogbert says, "It already spread to your wallet. I'll have to operate immediately."
Dilbert is home; his arm is in a sling. He says to Dogbert, "I'm a victim of drive-by management." Dilbert continues, "He sprayed my cubicle with irrational orders and waddled away." Dogbert responds, "Heh-heh, waddle is a funny word." Dilbert waves his free hand and says, "I feel your empathy slipping away."
Dilbert stands at the boss' desk. The boss says, "e-mail two copies to me when you're done." Dilbert says, "Two copies? It's e0mail." The boss says, "So?" Dilbert says, "Never mind. I'll e-mail two copies." The boss says, "and fax a copy in green paper for my files." Dilbert says, "Green? It's a fax!" The boss walks Dilbert out of his office and says, "And bring me a hard copy of the internet so I can do some serious surfing." Dilbert begins to faint in the doorway. Dilbert thinks, "Motivation.... gonve.. losing consciousness.." Dilber joins the pile of passed out employess by the boss' door. The boss thinks, "How did I end up with all the lazy employees?"
The Boss: Give me a sand wedge. Asok: "This sandwich is all I have for lunch. You can take my pride but not my sandwich!" The boss: "I think I'm losing the psychological advantage with my foursome." mmmph chew-chew-chew! hee-hee!!