Lowers Bar Comic Strips - Page 2

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33 Results for Lowers Bar

View 11 - 20 results for lowers bar comic strips. Discover the best "Lowers Bar" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 08, 2007's comic on:


Tags #bar code scanner, #lab tests, #capital budget, #varainace, #three bids, #form a team, #purchase order, #quitters

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"I need a $1,600 handheld bar code scanner to finish my lab tests." "Okay. Apply for a capital budget variance, prepare an RFP, get three bids, form a team to evaluate the bids, then prepare a purchase order." "Never mind. I'll just learn how to read bar codes by sight." "Quitter."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 11, 2007's comic on:


Tags #dead for week, #managed reincarnation, #own clone, #shapeshifting skills, #snicker bar, #cable guy, #waited at house, #equivalent

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Asok: "I was dead for a week, but I managed to reincarnate into my own clone and use my shapeshifting skills to look less like a snickers bar." Carol: "I once waited four hours for a cable tv guy to show up at my house." Asok: "Those stories are no equivalent." Carol: "It's subjective."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 11, 2001's comic on:


Tags #nephew, #job interview, #bowling, #heavy balls, #work, #experince, #taught, #snack bar, #whacked, #new boss

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The Boss hands a piece of paper to Dilbert and says, "My nephew wants a job. Interview him and tell me what you think." The Boss' nephew sits across from Dilbert as Dilbert looks at his resume. Dilbert says, "Let's see... Your work experience is... Bowling." Dilbert asks, "Are you a professional bowler?" The Boss' nephew replies, "I only bowled once." The Boss' nephew continues, "But the balls were heavy. It seemed like work to me." The Boss' nephew continues, "That experience taught me everything I know." The Boss' nephew continues, "Unfortunately, I don't remember most of it." The Boss' nephew continues, "But I remember you're not supposed to bowl in the snack bar." Dilbert says to The Boss, "I recommend having him whacked." The Boss replies, "He's your new boss."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 20, 2013's comic on:


Tags #cruelty, #honesty, #managers & supervisors, #motivation, #insincere, #bar too high, #low motivation, #business

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Dilbert: My motivation is low today. I understand it's your job to fix that situation. An insincere attaboy or a fake interest in my life would be enough. Boss: Drop dead and let the flies eat you. Dilbert: I set the bar too high again.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 18, 2014's comic on:


Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #sleeping & waking up, #five hours of sleep, #sleep deprivation, #lowers intelligence, #1000% raise

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Boss: I'm training myself to get by on five hours of sleep per night. Carol: Studies show that sleep deprivation lowers your functional intelligence. Boss: Not it not be doesn't. Carol? Can I have a thousand percent raise?

Single Dilbert Is Valuable

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Single Dilbert Is Valuable - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 03, 2015's comic on:


Tags #competition, #dating, #low standards, #Men, #market value, #single guy, #low bar, #tall, #employed, #height, #relationships

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Dilbert: I'm starting to realize that my market value as a single guy is higher than I thought. Men such as you have set the bar so low that all I need to do is have a job and be taller than most women in heels. I thought they were turned on by my tube clothing, but they actually like me for me. Wally: You're welcome.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 15, 2015's comic on:


Tags #ceos, #executives, #leadership, #threat, #internet, #ruin journalist, #off the record, #reporters, #bar conversation, #negative article, #criminally insane, #brillaunet writer, #venn diagram, #technology

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Dilbert: There's a bad story about you on the Internet. Apparently, you described a plan to "ruin any journalist who writes an unfair story" about us. CEO: That was off the record! Dilbert: You said it in front of a dozen reporters at a business event. CEO: It was just bar conversation. I was making a point about fairness. Dilbert: Hmmm... but now no sane writer would write a negative article about us. I can't tell if you're a brilliant leader or criminally insane. CEO: I'd show you the Venn diagram they gave us in CEO school, but it just looks like a circle.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 05, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #salad, #bar, #joint, #table, #window, #bathe, #towellettes

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Dilbert sits at his desk assembling a gadget. Dogbert says, "Good news: the 'all-you-can-eat" salad joint just decided to stay open twenty-four hours a day!" Dogbert continues, "We can get a table by the window and live there for the rest of our lives - for only $5.95 apiece!" Dilbert asks, "How would we bathe?" Dogbert replies, "They have little 'moist towelettes.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 27, 1992's comic on:


Tags #wilt, #ghandi, #chamberlain, #Women, #relations, #men and women

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A short man wearing an Indian pancha says to two women in a bar, "Hello, ladies." The man says, "I'm Wilt Ghandi. I'm the product of a genetic experiment combining the wisdom of Wilt Chamberlain and the body of Ghandi." One woman says, "That's the best line tonight. I'm going for it." The other woman says, "Hey, I saw him first."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 10, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #women's guide to avoiding dilbert, #groups, #dissect, #Men, #boyfriend, #sentence, #ladies', #night, #tipped, #Number, #knows, #love, #romance, #ating

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The strip is titled, "Women's guide to avoiding Dilbert." The caption says, "Wear stereo headphones, look straight ahead and outrun him." Dilbert chases a jogger asking, "What's your name?" The woman ignores him. The caption says, "Comb your hair over your face to avoid accidental eye contact." Dilbert waves his hands at a woman but her hair covers her eyes. The caption says, "Travel in groups and make it clear you will dissect any man." A woman tells three other women, "I've noticed that all men have B.O. (body odor)." Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." The caption says, "Drive to and from secret destinations in fast cars." Dilbert watches a woman drive by in a sports car. He thinks, "I wonder where she lives?" The caption says, "Mention a boyfriend in every sentence." Dilbert says, "Nice weather." The woman replies, "My boyfriend likes weather." The caption says, "Never attend a ladies' night activity." Dilbert stands in a bar with three other men. He thinks, "No women . . . I wonder what tipped them off." The caption says, "Never give out your real phone number." Dilbert looks at a piece of paper and says, "This only has three digits." The woman says, "Everybody knows me there."