Negotiating Comic Strips - Page 2
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32 Results for Negotiating
View 11 - 20 results for negotiating comic strips. Discover the best "Negotiating" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday October 12,
2017
Dilbert Is Bad At Negotiating
Tags negotiating, haggle, trick, deception
Transcript
Dilbert: I want you to lower your price, but I don't know how to negotiate. Man: It's easy. All you need to do is offer to pay more than the list price and wait for me to counteroffer. Dilbert: Okay... I'll pay twenty percent over the list price. Man: You win! Sign here.
Friday October 13,
2017
Being Ineffective
Tags negotiating, haggle, training, conference, skills
Transcript
Boss: Why are we paying so much for this software? Dilbert: Because you didn't let me take a class on negotiating like I asked. Boss: Are you using this as leverage to get approval for the class? Dilbert: No, I'm just being ineffective. Does it look the same?
Monday October 31,
1994
Tags jar, soul of mail boy, shake hold to light, bargaining table, union rights, negotiating
Transcript
Dilbert: Whats in the jar? The Boss: Its the soul of the Willy Mail Boy. If you shake it real hard and hold it up to the light you can see it. Dilbert: The union didn't do to well at the old bargaining table this year. willy: These aren't our glory years.
Friday March 14,
1997
Tags negotiate, telecommuting, ratbert illogical things, drains will, unproductive things, will to argue
Transcript
Dilbert approaches the Boss's desk and says, "I"m here to negotiate for more telecommuting days." Ratbert sits on Dilbert's head. Dilbert points to him and tells the Boss, "My negotiating strategy is to have Ratbert say such illogical things that it drains your will to argue." The Boss says, "You can't work at home because you might do unproductive things there." Ratbert says, "I've lost my will to argue."
Sunday January 22,
1995
Tags protects webs prodcuts, engineer, pads schedule, six months, build prodcut, play doom, computer, add people, tiny empire, eighteen months, sales people, irrational desire, beta test, technology, engineering
Transcript
Dogbert holds a pointer and stands next to the caption, "How Nature Protects Weak Products." The caption says, "First, the engineer pads his schedule." Dilbert and the Boss sit at a conference table. The Boss asks, "Six months?" Dilbert replies, "At least." Dilbert thinks, "One month to build the product and five months to play 'Doom' on my computer." The caption says, "Then the manager pads the schedule as a clever negotiating ploy." The Boss tells an executive, "One year . . . Unless you add people to my tiny empire." The caption says, "Then the vice president pads the schedule to avoid looking bad to the president." The VP kisses the president's toes and says, "Eighteen months." The caption says, "Meanwhile, the sales people are making up numbers because nobody tells them anything." A man tells a woman, "Two months . . . And it solves every problem you have!" The caption says, "This causes the customers to develop irrational desire for the product." A woman says into the phone, "Give me the 'beta' test version in one month." The caption says, "Thus nature disguises weak products as 'beta.'" The woman looks at a device and says, "Cardboard? That's stupid." Dilbert replies, "Oh . . . Then it's beta."
Wednesday July 14,
2004
Tags negotaiating, have other offers, phraseology, ordered to lie
Transcript
Negotiating Dilbert: Ive been authorized to tell you that we have other offers. I can tell from your phraseology that you've been ordered to lie and your not good at it. Dilbert: what makes you think something like that? There it is again!
Friday June 13,
2008
Tags interest free loan, paperwork, snortling, leverage is limited, no snortling
Transcript
The Boss says, "I've decided that your tiny company will give us an interest-free loan." The Boss says, "There's no paperwork to sign. We'll just pay your invoices late while snortling." The Boss says, "This is the part where you realize your negotiating leverage is limited." A man, "I demand no snortling!"
Friday January 29,
2010
Tags chain letter, e-mail, die, panic, friends, negotiating, fifty, superstitious
Transcript
The Boss says, "Oh no. If I don't forward this e-mail to fifty friends, I'll die within a week." The Boss says, "I don't have that many friends! I need to make more friends, and fast!!!" Dilbert says, "What are you sending him now?" Wally says, "I'm upping it to sixty friends."
Monday November 18,
2013
Tags cruelty, negotiating, flexible, loser, good sport, good loser
Transcript
Alice: Thanks for being flexible in these negotiations. You're a good sport. And by good sport, I mean good loser. ANd by good loser, I mean loser. Man: Some people call it generous.
Thursday February 12,
2015
Anchor Price For Negotiations
Tags haggling, negotiating, negotiation, research, value, worth, anchor price, science
Transcript
Salesman: I'll start our negotiation by setting the anchor price at... Dilbert: Five dollars. Salesman: Um, I was going to say $27,500, but you beat me to the anchor, and now I can't help thinking the fair price is closer to $5. How does an engineer know more about the intricacies of my job than I do? Dilbert: I had five minutes and a browser.
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