Never Comic Strips - Page 2
Search Filters
Year
- 2023
- 2022
- 2021
- 2020
- 2019
- 2018
- 2017
- 2016
- 2015
- 2014
- 2013
- 2012
- 2011
- 2010
- 2009
- 2008
- 2007
- 2006
- 2005
- 2004
- 2003
- 2002
- 2001
- 2000
- 1999
- 1998
- 1997
- 1996
- 1995
- 1994
- 1993
- 1992
- 1991
- 1990
- 1989
Character
627 Results for Never
View 11 - 20 results for never comic strips. Discover the best "Never" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday March 01,
1995
Tags never time lunch, men are early, upgrading pcs, paid off, effieciency, hungry, secrets
Transcript
Dilbert and Wally sit at a table eating lunch. Alice walks over and says, "Why is it that I never have time to eat but you MEN are in here every day at 11:35?" Wally replies, "Because the hours we spent upgrading our PCs have finally paid off by greatly improving our efficiency." After Alice has left the table, Dilbert says to Wally, "I thought it was because we get hungry at 11:30?" Wally replies, "We can't reveal all our secrets."
Saturday May 20,
1995
Tags never answered email, secretary out, message on hardcopy, out of paprus, chiseled on pyramid, ufos?
Transcript
Dilbert peers out of his cubicle and says to the Boss as he walks by, "You never answered my e-mail." The Boss says, "My secretary is out, so there's nobody to print my e-mail for me. Bring me your message on hardcopy." Dilbert enters the Boss's office holding a small pyramid and says, "I was out of papyrus so I chiseled my message on a little pyramid." The Boss thinks, "Did he work alone or were UFOs involved?"
Thursday September 14,
1995
Tags nest paper towels, call 911, never know, would have worked
Transcript
Dilbert is standing in front of the copying machine. Reaching inside the copier, a man says, "Here's the problem. We've got a whole nest of paper trolls." The man yells as he is being pulled into the machine, "AAIIEE!" Dilbert thinks, "If I call 911 now I'll never know if the lower paper tray would have worked."
Wednesday August 27,
1997
Tags work ethic, alice, working during vacation, remain motivated, glass ceiling, never break
Transcript
Asok the intern stands behind Alice, who is dressed casually and sits at her computer. Asok says, "I admire your work ethic, Alice. You're even working during your vacation." Alice grimaces and grits her teeth. Asok continues, "It must be hard to remian motivated when you know you can never break though the glass ceiling." Alice grimaces some more. Asok's body dangles from the ceiling through a mass of tiles and wiring. Alice looks up at him and says,"So, it looks like it's just tile after all."
Thursday January 15,
1998
Tags skeptics association, psychic rat, passport, drivers licence, fake id, dna test, never been cloned
Transcript
Dilbert is talking on the telephone and says, "Is this Skeptics Association? I need your help to prove my rat isn't psychic." Dilbert holds the phone and says, "My name is Dilbert. Yes, I can prove it; I have a pssport and a driver's license. Well, yeah. It's easy to get a fake ID, but..." Hours later... Dilbert is still on the phone, his hair is a mess and he says, "...Okay, what if I take a DNA test? No, I can't prove I've never been cloned!!" He's angry.
Monday August 31,
1998
Tags weasel, store clerk, never settle, lesser of two weasels
Transcript
Dilbert: Its nice , but the weasel down the street is selling it for less. Weasel: You should never settle for the lesser of two weasels. Dilbert: Now that you mention it, it did seem too convenient.
Tuesday October 06,
1998
Tags shovel, full of assignments, get done, most importatnt, identify acronyms, never been used
Transcript
The Boss aproaches Dilbert with a shovel full of paper. The Boss says, "Here's another shovel full of assignments." Dilbert throws his arms up. Dilbert says, "How am I supposed to get all of that done?" The Boss says, "Only do the most important ones." Dilbert holds on the projects. Dilbert reads, "Identify all the acronyms that have never been used." The boss says, "That's an important one."
Tuesday October 20,
1998
Tags newest hore, team member, headless suit, meetings, never fire, bad decsion, head is in jar
Transcript
The Boss stands with his arm around a headless man. Alice sits at her computer. The Boss says, "Alice, meet the newest member of our team." The Boss says, "I hired him myself. That means I can never fire him; it would look like I made a bad decision." The Boss says, "Microsoft hired his head. It's in a jar in Redmond." Alice says, "And we got the part that goes to meetings."
Wednesday December 30,
1998
Tags the sadistic nut, dennis, not cruel, honest, never be married, fun to watch, attacks intern
Transcript
Dennis yells at Asok, "Hey, it's a little intern!" Asok cowers, "Please spare me, Mister Nut." Dennis says, "I'm not cruel. I'm honest!" Asok: "No-o-o-o." Dilbert and Wally stand to watch this berating from over their cubilce walls. Dennis adds, "Let me tell you why you'll never be married." Asok: "No-o-o-o!" Dilbert says to Wally, "You have to admit, it's fun to watch."
Sunday October 23,
1994
Tags staff meeting, suggestions, dumb ideas, leaving for another job, never held accountable, project caribou, team building exercise, people vanished, meeting over
Transcript
The Boss: "Our project is six months behind schedule." "Meanwhile, our technology has become obsolete and the users' requirements have changed." "Any suggestions?" Dilbert: "Let's stubbornly plod along and deliver the useless product that was originally requested." Wally: "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard!" "We should restart every time something changes. That way we'll never be held accountable for results!" Alice: "You losers can work it out alone. I heard there's a job opening on project Caribou." The Boss: "Next on the agenda: our weekly team-building excercise." "