Never Ask Comic Strips - Page 2

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936 Results for Never Ask

View 11 - 20 results for never ask comic strips. Discover the best "Never Ask" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 30, 1999's comic on:


Tags #change contract, #signed months ago, #hurt to ask, #discount, #clueless, #primary vendors, #acts of god, #poltergeists, #steal best

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The boss hands Alice a piece of paper. The boss says, "Alice make a few changes to this contract." Alice says, "Changes? This contract was signed months ago." The boss says, "It doesn't hurt to ask." Alice says, "You want me to ask for a sixty percent discount?" The boss says, "No one said it would be easy." Alice says, "You're asking me to be a clueless jerk in front of our primary vendor." Alice says, "Please don't ask me to do this." The boss says, "And ask if they'll change the part about "acts of God" to include poltergeists." The boss walks away and thinks, "That's why our vendors never try to steal our best employees."

We Will Never Forget Ted

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We Will Never Forget Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 12, 2014's comic on:


Tags #coworker, #coworkers, #death, #tributes, #morning, #beloved collegue, #never forget, #medical

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Boss: We mourn the untimely passing of our beloved colleague, Fred. We will never forget him. Dilbert: It was Ted, not Fred. Boss: Was he beloved? Wally: I don't remember. It was like a week ago.

Ted Never Got The File

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Ted Never Got The File - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 05, 2016's comic on:


Tags #blame, #communication, #responsibility, #technology, #guest artist, #brenna thummler

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Ted: I never got the file you said you would send. Dilbert: I don't know what file type you want. Ted: Why didn't you ask? Dilbert: Why didn't you check your email and see that I did? Ted: Why didn't you text me to say you emailed me? Dilbert: Why don't you drive into a ravine?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 23, 2011's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #work ethic, #work-life balance, #implies life is impirtant, #work-life intergration, #big thanks, #never had a life

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Catbert says, "We're no longer using the term 'work-life balance' because it implies that your life is important." Catbert says, "Now we call it 'work-life integration' so it's easier to make you work when you would prefer being with loved ones." Catbert says, "And I'd like to give a big thanks to those of you who never had a life." Dilbert says, "You're welcome."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 17, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anger, #engineers, #honesty, #beginning of decline, #salted note, #good idea, #why don't we format, #social product

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The Boss says, "I have a great idea! Why don't we make our product social?" Dilbert says, "Because when you start to understand a concept, it marks the beginning of its decline." Dilbert says, "On a related note, it's never a good idea to ask an engineer a question in the 'why don't we' format."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 14, 2011's comic on:


Tags #cruelty, #frustration, #idea, #never work, #reject hypothesis, #self doubt

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Man: Your idea will never work. Dilbert: At what point did you reject the hypothesis that you're too dumb to understand how good the idea is? I'm becoming even less of a people person.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 12, 2011's comic on:


Tags #computers & peripherals, #machinery, #office equipment, #prototype, #traffic, #traffic load test, #ask lab, #didn't ask lab

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Boss: Did you ask the lab if they have a way to test traffic loads on our prototype? Dilbert: I met with them for an hour and explained that we need traffic load tests. Boss: But you didn't actually ask if they could do the tests? Dilbert: Well... no... but... it's their job to do the tests. And they would have mentioned it if they didn't have a way to do it. Boss: But you didn't ask. Dilbert: That was the context of the meeting. If they couldn't do that sort of test they would have mentioned it sometime during our hour together. Boss: Maybe you should ask. Dilbert: Gaa!! Okay! I'll ask! Are you freakin' kidding me?!! Man: I wondered why you didn't ask.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 20, 2011's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #interviews, #biggest mistake, #learned from t, #old couch, #chewing, #starbucks, #never tell story

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Interview question. Boss: Describe your biggest mistake and what you learned from it. Man: I tried to get rid of an old couch by chewing it into tiny pieces and leaving one handful at a time at a Starbucks. Boss: And what did you learn? Man: I learned I should never tell that story.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 08, 2011's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #internet & world wide web, #seattle, #quick meeting, #stone age tribe, #skype, #never used, #why fly, #telecommunte, #airplane

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Boss: I need you to fly to Seattle for a quick meeting. Dilbert: Will I be meeting with a newly discovered Stone Age tribe that has never used Skype? Boss: No. Dilbert: Then I'm totally confused.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 30, 2012's comic on:


Tags #complaining, #conversation, #ask ed, #dumb guy, #liar, #bad breath, #braggaty, #large pores, #combover, #describe me, #behind my back, #insecure guy, #steers conversation

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Alice: You should ask Ed about this. Carol: Is Ed the dumb guy who talks too much or the liar with the bad breath? Alice: He's the braggart with large pores and a combover. Dilbert: Wow. How do you describe me behind my back? Carol: You're the insecure guy who steers the conversation to himself.