Never Born Comic Strips - Page 2
612 Results for Never Born
View 11 - 20 results for never born comic strips. Discover the best "Never Born" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share May 29, 2012's comic on:
Boss: How are you doing in your unspoken objectives? Dilbert: My what? Boss: I'm referring to the goals I have in my mind that I've never mentioned. How are those going? Dilbert: I'm totally nailing them.
Share August 15, 1991's comic on:
Dogbert says to a customer, "I asked the boss to sell it at your price." Dogbert continues, "He told me to drive over your foot and steal your purse." Dogbert continues, "Buy maybe I can convince him to take your first-born son instead." The woman says, "He IS my first-born son!!"
Share October 04, 1991's comic on:
In Elbonia, Dogbert lies face-down in the mud in front of his crashed hover-saucer. An Elbonian points at him and says, "Look, Yergi." The Elbonian picks Dogbert up and says, "The Holy Scrolls say a dog will fall from the sky." The other Elbonian asks, "They do?" The Elbonian carrying Dogbert replies, "Actually, they say 'never shave your duck,' but it's not literal. You have to interpret." The other Elbonian asks, "You mean I CAN shave my duck?!"
Share June 15, 1994's comic on:
"I joined the city soccer league." "I've never played, but as an engineer I have a natural instinct for ball trajectory and passing angles." "Where does the team play?" "Coach doesn't want to ruin my concentration by telling me."
Share October 07, 1994's comic on:
The Boss: "I've never managed marketing people before. But a good manager can manage anything." "So...I order you to go do marketing things...like segmenting and focus groups..." "And keep focusing and segmenting until we dominate the industry!!!" Worker: "Well, I'm motivated."
Share March 01, 1995's comic on:
Dilbert and Wally sit at a table eating lunch. Alice walks over and says, "Why is it that I never have time to eat but you MEN are in here every day at 11:35?" Wally replies, "Because the hours we spent upgrading our PCs have finally paid off by greatly improving our efficiency." After Alice has left the table, Dilbert says to Wally, "I thought it was because we get hungry at 11:30?" Wally replies, "We can't reveal all our secrets."
Share May 20, 1995's comic on:
Dilbert peers out of his cubicle and says to the Boss as he walks by, "You never answered my e-mail." The Boss says, "My secretary is out, so there's nobody to print my e-mail for me. Bring me your message on hardcopy." Dilbert enters the Boss's office holding a small pyramid and says, "I was out of papyrus so I chiseled my message on a little pyramid." The Boss thinks, "Did he work alone or were UFOs involved?"
Share September 14, 1995's comic on:
Dilbert is standing in front of the copying machine. Reaching inside the copier, a man says, "Here's the problem. We've got a whole nest of paper trolls." The man yells as he is being pulled into the machine, "AAIIEE!" Dilbert thinks, "If I call 911 now I'll never know if the lower paper tray would have worked."
Share February 16, 1996's comic on:
Dilbert, Wally and Alice read copies of a document. Dilbert says, "I can't believe they expect us to sign these new employment agreement forms." Wally says, "According to this, anything we even THINK of becomes the Company's property. I'm surprised they don't claim our first born sons!" Wally continues, "What do you suppose it means when they copyright our 'DNA and all derivative works?'" Alice says, "They'd make an exception for you."
Share August 27, 1997's comic on:
Asok the intern stands behind Alice, who is dressed casually and sits at her computer. Asok says, "I admire your work ethic, Alice. You're even working during your vacation." Alice grimaces and grits her teeth. Asok continues, "It must be hard to remian motivated when you know you can never break though the glass ceiling." Alice grimaces some more. Asok's body dangles from the ceiling through a mass of tiles and wiring. Alice looks up at him and says,"So, it looks like it's just tile after all."