Not Near My House Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

238 Results for Not Near My House

View 11 - 20 results for not near my house comic strips. Discover the best "Not Near My House" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, formula, impress, bird, house, conquered, gravity, waly, hum, weekend

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert floats through the air with a propeller strapped to his back. He thinks, "My anti-gravity formula should really impress the guys at work." Wally says, "I built a bird house this weekend." Dilbert says, "I conquered gravity." Another man says, "I taught myself to hum."

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, Dilbert, showing, aversion, near, armchair, flee, missing, sock

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dogbert says, "I've always wondered why your tie curls up like that." Dogbert continues, "My theory is that the tie is simply showing a natural aversion to being near you." Dogbert continues, "Have you noticed any of your other clothes trying to flee?" Dilbert responds, "I'm missing a sock . . ."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags flip house, foreclosed, mold, red flags, residential buildings, squatters, urine

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I bought a foreclosed house for $500. I plan to flip it for profit. Dilbert: Did the disclosures have any red flags? Boss: They claim there's a lot of mold and enexploded ordnance. But I don't see how either of those things could have survived the urine from the crack squatters.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, jail, Dilbert, rich, famous, house, dog, profit, permission, happy hour

View Transcript

Transcript

A man wearing a robe and holding a wine glass asks Dilbert, "What are you in for?" Dilbert says angrily, "I live here!" Dilbert puts his hands on his hips and says, "This is my house! My dog turned it into a jail-for-profit without my permission!" The man walks away saying, "Man, you're the wrong guy to talk to during 'happy hour.'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, competitor, massage, helga, company, offer, house

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits across from a customer's desk wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase. The customer says, "Your competitor was here an hour ago . . ." The man points to a woman holding a towel and massage oil and says, "He promised me a massage from Helga if I buy from his company. What's your offer?" Dilbert replies, "I'll give you my house for Helga." The man says, "You're new at this . . ."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, noriko, bob, dinosaur, extinct, couch, house, credenza, belmonts, crazy glue, drawer

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says, "Noriko, I'd like you to meet Bob the Dinosaur." Noriko and Bob say "Hi" to each other. Noriko says, "I thought dinosaurs were all extinct." Dogbert replies, "No, they were just hiding. We found Bob behind the couch." Noriko says, "I wish we had one at our house." Bob says, "Look in your credenza. The Belmonts live in the 'Krazy Glue' drawer."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags all day meeting, bathroom, critique the decor, house, kitchen shoddy, sub teams

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: "How foolish of you to host the all-day staff meeting at your house." "Let's form sub-teams to be more efficient. Ted will do accidental spills. Alice, you critique the decor. I'll be a floater." Alice: "Kichen, shoddily done..." Ted: "I spilled mayonaise on the wall." Wally: "Where's the bathroom?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bumper sticker, cops are wuses, house, staff meeting, tasteless hovel, dilberts home

View Transcript

Transcript

The staff meeting at Dilbert's house ends Wally: I guess we're done abusing your tasteless hovel. Ted: It was somewhat dim witted of you to invite us to your house . Lets do it again real soon. Dogbert: I wondered if Id ever get to use my "cops are wusses" bumper stickers.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags classes, get mba, big name school, knowledge, not prestige, tonys, house, mbas, babe ratio

View Transcript

Transcript

"I'm going to take classes at night and get an MBA." "I don't need a big-name school. I'm in this for knowledge, not prestige." "How about 'Tony's House of MBA's'?" "The babe ratio is better at 'MBA-O-RAMA'."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags volume of work, quiet leadership, inspires us, promote, manager, work ethic, use documents, heat house, job offering, writing

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss sees Dilbert carrying a stack of paper and says, "We've all noticed the volume of work you carry around. Your quiet leadership inspires us." The Boss continues, "I'd like to promote you to manager so you can imbue others with your work ethic." At home, Dilbert loads the paper into the furnace while Dogbert watches. Dogbert asks, "Does he know you use the documents to heat our house?" Dilbert replies, "No. And I asked him to put the job offer in writing."