Off Color Humor Comic Strips - Page 2
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Boss: These are our 25 focus areas for next year. Asok: Ha ha! Good one. Sometimes I think you have no sense of humor and then zing! What? Dilbert: I think it's real. Asok: It can't be real. No one would be dumb enough to think we can focus on 25 areas. Don't worry. I've got this. This misunderstood man is a brilliant comedian. He is only pretending to be an angry idiot. You're totally selling it.
BAD IDEA Boss: I should drink wine at lunch more often. WORSE IDEA I'm in the mood to tweet. WORST IDEA I hope the down-trodden have a sense of humor.
Carol: I've been reading our bereavement policy and I found a problem. I get three days off if my husband eats nothing but unhealthy food and dies young. And I'm the one who does our grocery shopping. Boss: Sounds like a conflict of interest. Carol: I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees it.
Lawyer: Our new product violates 70 Google patents, 14 Apple patents, 52 Oracle patents, and 37 Microsoft patents. There is no hope. I recommend that we close the company and become farmers. Boss: I need a lawyer with more fight in him. Lawyer: I'm off the grid.
Dilbert sits at his desk reading a memo. Dilbert reads, "Urgent memo to all employees:" Dilbert says, "Uh-oh. Looks important." Dilbert continues reading, "If we are to remain competitive, you must proactively improve quality on all actionable items!" Dilbert says, "Wow! That was inspiring. My heart is pounding. I'm all tingly . . . I'd better take the rest of the day off . . ."
Dilbert enters wearing a bathrobe and shines a flashlight on the chair where Dogbert is sleeping. Dogbert says in his sleep, "I'm coming toward the light . . ." Dogbert continues, "The light . . . It's so pure . . . So perfect . . . It could only be the light of GOD HIMSELF!!" Dilbert says, "No. Just new batteries." Dogbert says, "God has a sense of humor? Of course! It explains everything."
Dilbert lies on a couch and a psychologist sits next to him taking notes on a pad of paper. Dilbert says, "I can't stop putting writing tools in my shirt pocket . . ." Dilbert continues, "It started harmlessly . . . First a pen, then two. Now I'm afraid to go anywhere without a pen and pencil of every color." The psychiatrist asks, "Do you have the secondary colors?" Dilbert replies, "There are SECONDARY colors?!"
A man stands in front of Dilbert's desk and says, "The Japanese have made an offer to buy the company." The man continues, "As CEO you would make $68 million . . . But the employees would all be laid off." Back at home, Dilbert asks Dogbert, "If I accept, what will I say to the employees?" Dogbert replies, "How about 'neener neener?'"
Dilbert says to two attorneys, "I've decided to reject your generous offer to buy the company." Dilbert continues, "And if you try to make this a hostile takeover you will find me to be a formidable adversary." Dilbert arrives at home with his clothes ripped to shreads. Dilbert tells Dogbert, ". . . Then their lawyers chewed my clothes off."