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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 25, 2003's comic on:


Tags #blank cd, #demo, #empty case, #forgetting blank cd, #new product, #software, #travel, #travelled four hours, #unit, #once we write, #engineering

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Dilbert approaches a receptionist and says, "I have an appointment to see a demo of your new product." The salesman holds up a box and says to Dilbert, "And the unit will be in a case like this, but completely different, and it will have software, once we write it." Dilbert holds the box and says, "You let me travel four hours to see an empty case?" The salesman replies, "Are you forgetting the blank CD?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 26, 2003's comic on:


Tags #annual fee, #joke, #once a month, #dumb, #annual fee once a month

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The Boss asks a salesman, "How often would you charge us this 'annual fee?'" The salesman replies, "Is that a joke?" Alice responds, "Sadly, no." The salesman says to The Boss, "Once a month." The Boss replies, "Sounds fair."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 28, 2005's comic on:


Tags #specter, #unpaid overtime, #grim reaper, #hit by rake, #happened once, #insulted wife

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Then I was visited by the Specter of Unpaid Overtime. He hit me with his rake because he's trying to become a grim reaper. "Hee hee!!" "I just realized that I only enjoy your stories when they involve you getting hit by a rake." "That only happened once." "I plan to tell the gardener that you insulted his wife."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 10, 2008's comic on:


Tags #amorphous cloud of gas, #once human, #avoid commitment, #molecules stop binding, #subtle odor, #copier room, #micromanage, #input

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The Boss says, "We can't move forward until you get input from Allen." The Boss says, "And that won't be easy. Allen is an amorphous cloud of gas." The Boss says, "He once was human like us." The Boss says, "Allen was afraid to give his opinion or make a decision." The Boss says, "He put so much effort into avoiding commitment that his molecules stopped binding together." The Boss says, "Now he exists as nothing but a subtle odor near the copier room." Dilbert says, "How can I get his input?" The Boss says, "Don't make me micromanage you." Dilbert says, "Allen? Is that you?" Wally says, "Sorry."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 04, 2011's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #saving & investment, #intentional billing errors, #honest mistakes, #maintain bonuses, #pipelien, #new errors, #pension algorythm, #money

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Carol: Once again, our only profitable line of business is "intentional billing errors." It started as a series of honest mistakes. Now it's the only way we can maintain our bonuses. Boss: Do we have anything better in the pipeline? Carol: R&D is testing some new errors for our pension algorithm.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 18, 2011's comic on:


Tags #employees, #engineers, #revenge, #loud talker, #chronic faltualator, #seating arrangements, #cubicle arrangements, #sound, #noise, #business

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Office relocation Alice says, "Your floor plan puts me between a loud talker and a chronic flatulator." Tina says, "I could move you to a cubicle between a guy who clears his throat all day and a woman who laughs too much." Alice says, "Is this because I once said you aren't smart enough to be an engineer?" Tina says, "Look what I engineered?" Office Relocation

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 21, 2011's comic on:


Tags #approval from cloud, #matrix management, #office workers, #smoke cloud

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Boss: You'll need approval from the cloud. Dilbert: The cloud? Boss: It was once called Matrix Management. But it go so complicated that no one knows who does what. Dilbert: Can you approve this? Man: What did everyone else say?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 08, 2011's comic on:


Tags #deterioration, #recessions, #20%, #competitive, #industry, #involve crime

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Boss: Our goal is to grow the top line by 20%. Dilbert: How will we do that with products that aren't competitive in an industry that isn't growing? Wally: Does it involve crime? Dilbert: If it does, blink once.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 23, 2011's comic on:


Tags #fraternization, #meetings, #emails, #no one responded, #project timeline, #consensus nor reality, #illusion of progress

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Dilbert: Once again, none of you responded to my emails this past week. So I put together a project time line that reflects neither consensus nor reality. Wally: Can I have a copy so I can mock it? Dilbert: No, I'm still enjoying the illusion of progress.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 26, 2011's comic on:


Tags #christmas presents, #sweaters, #ugly sweater, #lose a bet, #gift from mom, #hideous sweater

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Alice: What's up with the ugly sweater? Did you lose a bet? Dilbert: This? Oh, right. It was a gift from my mom. I'm wearing it once in case she asks me later. Alice: Did you know it was hideous before I told you? Dilbert: Maybe.