Operate Immediately Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

31 Results for Operate Immediately

View 11 - 20 results for operate immediately comic strips. Discover the best "Operate Immediately" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #constant reorgnizing, #needs of employees, #spare parts, #liver, #jose in accounting

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: "These constant reorganizations do not take into consideration the needs of the employees." The Boss: "I've decided to use you for spare parts. Your liver will be sent to Jose in accounting, immediately." Dilbert: "Jose has a bad liver?" The boss: "No, but why take a chance?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #top priority, #last month, #dated

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Take care of this immediately. It's your top priority. Dilbert: Top Priority?? This is dated last month, Its been on your desk for weeks and now its your top priority?? The Boss: I said its your top priority. I still don't care about it, Dilbert: well...okay the,

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #current resume, #new vp, #obvious prelude, #massive staff cut, #worried, #all have resume, #massive disloyalty

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit around a conference table. The Boss says, "I'd like each of you to give me a current resume." Waving his hands, the Boss continues, "Now, don't be alarmed. It's just so the new VP can get to know you. It's not an obvious prelude to massive staff cuts." Wally, Dilbert and Alice immediately hand resumes to the Boss who asks, "Should I be worried that you all have a current resume on you?" Wally answers, "Don't worry. It's not an obvious prelude to massive disloyalty!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #spare cubicles, #house convicts, #opinions mattered, #prisoners complained

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, Wally, the Boss and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Effective immediately, we will no longer use our spare cubicles to house convicts." Wally raises his fist and says, "Yes!!! Our opinions mattered!" The Boss says, "Actually it's because the prisoners complained." Wally and Dilbert walk down the hall past a cubicle. Dilbert says, "I wonder what he plans to do with spare cubicles now." They cannot see that there are pigs inside the cubicle.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dotted line, #arch rival, #secret double agent, #captured and executed, #immediate

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands behind Wally's desk and says, "I heard you got assigned on a 'dotted line' to our boss's arch-rival." Wally sits with his head in his hands and groans. Dilbert continues, "Look on the bright side. Think of yourself as leading the exiting life of a secret double-agent!" Wally asks, "Don't most double-agents get captured and executed immediately?" Dilbert says, "They WISH it was immediate."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #king dogbert, #first ruler, #internet, #bow before me, #internet is millons individuals, #until now, #dogbert fancies himself king, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert stands on the desk and says, "I declare myself 'King Dogbert,' the first ruler of the Internet!!" Dogbert raises his paws over his head and yells, "Bow before me or be expelled from the kingdom forever!!!" Dilbert enters wearing a bathrobe and asks, "Are you aware that the Internet is comprised of millions of individuals and organizations that operate independently?" Dogbert replies, "Until now!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dog, #brain, #animals

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Dogbert enter the laboratory. Dilbert says, "I've decided we should operate along more classic lines, like Dr. Frankenstein's lab." Dilbert lifts Dogbert onto a stool and asks, "You know what that makes you?" Dogbert replies, "I've got a hunch . . ." Dilbert says, "Let's practice . . ." Dilbert says, "Dogbert, fetch me a brain!" Dogbert asks, "Like your present model, or one that works?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #canceling life insurance, #Catbert, #evil hr director, #extend vacations, #family freindly, #no longer allow, #remove incentives, #time off for death, #kill relatives

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert stands at his desk and types, "Effective immediately, the company will no longer allow time off for the death of a family member." Catbert continues, "This 'family friendly' policy will remove your incentive to extend vacations by killing relatives." Catbert continues, "And more good news: we're canceling your life insurance so your family won't try to snuff you out either."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #aging, #embarrased, #our dept secreatry, #our mail room, #pay simple invoice, #protect reputation, #six months, #work at company

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits on the couch and Dogbert sits on the armrest. Dilbert says, "I'm embarrassed to work at my company, Dogbert." Dilbert continues, "We can't even pay a simple invoice in less than six months." Dilbert continues, "First it comes to our mail room for aging." Two men stand in a pile of mail. One says, "Do we like Dilbert?" The other man replies, "Bad haircut. Penalty box." Dilbert continues, "Months later it gets to our department secretary." Dilbert says to the secretary, "It's urgent." She replies, "I'll start ignoring it immediately." Dilbert continues, "Eventually my boss gets it. He uses it to demonstrate his inability to grasp the concept of time." The Boss says, "Let's get some more bids." Dilbert replies, "That was the PAST. This is the PRESENT." Dilbert continues, "If it makes it to the accounts payable group, it will be eaten by trolls." A troll says, "No, thanks. I'm full." Another troll takes a bite out of the invoice and says, "Just a taste." Dilbert asks Dogbert, "How would you protect your reputation if you were associated with something so pathetic?" Dogbert replies, "I'd tell everybody that the doofy guy is my butler. Hypothetically."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cubicle walls, #detrsoys fabric, #acoustical absorbtion, #agreemnet, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss peaks into a cubicle and thinks, "What the ...?" The Boss walks into Alice's cubicle, points to something on her cubicle wall and says, "Alice, you know we don't allow anything on cubicle walls." The Boss continues, "It destroys the acoustic absorption of the fabric." Alice covers her ears and shrieks, "OUCH!! My easr! Don't shout!" Alice says to The Boss, "You're right! I've ruined the acoustic absorption." Alice reaches to remove the paper on her wall and says, "It seemed so harmless. I'll remove it immediately." Alice and The Boss stare at eachother. The Boss exits the cubicle and says, "Why is it worse when they agree with me?" Alice covers her ears again and says, "What? Eh?"